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August 13, 2002
Flights from hell, Part Duh
Flights from hell, Part Duh
Directions on the seat in front of me:
"FASTEN SEAT BELT WHILE SEATED"
"USE BOTTOM CUSHION FOR FLOTATION"
To me, it seems a bit on the same level as "Caution: Hot!" warnings. I'm a bit worried about people who would fasten their seat belts while standing. Also, anyone with any familiarity with the panhandle of Texas knows the likelihood of needing a cushion for flotation is about the same as my hair ever growing back. The deepest water I know of in Lubbock is Lake Olive Garden at the mall. It's been flooded for as long as I can remember, and it would amuse me highly if we crashed there amidst the ducks and needed to use our seats as flotation devices. I can imagine this planeload of Texans all wading towards the pasta chain restaurant, people throwing us breadsticks in case we get hungry. A new twist in the standard flight attendant warnings is a new caveat about the oxygen masks. Apparently, if the cabin suddenly depressurizes, we shouldn't touch the metal pipe in the ceiling above the masks, as it will become hot.
We're thousands of feet in the sky, going about five hundred miles per hour. We're plunging towards the hard packed dirt of Texas, all engines out, holes in the wings, fires everywhere. I bet the pilot is trying to find some water so we can use our cushions. Everyone is screaming, the topless girl from that classic film Airplane bounces about, the masks drop down so we can enjoy some pure, sparkling oxygen. Damn! I burned my hand on that pipe! Boy, I sure look silly.
Posted by G at August 13, 2002 10:44 AM