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August 26, 2002
Nothing like a doctor's visit
Nothing like a doctor's visit to give me the spooked out willies. For all sorts of reasons, I always assume the worst with doctors. So my new doctor in NYC pulls me out of the waiting room to tell me my results. My stomach does the requisite flip-flop as I follow him into the hallway, where he shows me the results from my blood tests. Everything is very good, except for my cholesterol and triglycerides. My triglycerides were nearly twice the maximum for my age group. TWICE! I eat healthy, exercise, and sacrifice the animals at the lipids altar at midnight. What else can I do, except travel back in time to cancel out the fat genes attacking me from both sides of the family? The doctor tells me the readings could be off depending on what I ate that day, but that I'll need to go back for a second test. Damn, damn, damn. I've looked at all my cousins on my dad's side of the family, smugly noticing that I've scrupulously avoided the tendency towards the Family Name pear-shaped body. I was hoping that by abstaining from dear cousin Brent's "only eat the flesh directly from the animal you just killed" philosophy, I could laugh at his early funeral while looking good for those family funeral photos. Now I know that I'll be the early funeral, it just won't take as many pallbearers to carry my casket, plus I'll be a more attractive corpse.
Posted by G at August 26, 2002 05:47 PM