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October 31, 2002
My school just received the
My school just received the scores back from last year. Not only is our school the worst in our district, it is the second-worst scoring school in the entire NYC school system. Can I pick 'em, or can I pick 'em? I can guarantee that we will have a news report about our school next year highlighting our dramatic jump in scores and comprehension. Our administration is top notch, honestly. They totally support me and really care about the staff.
I'm not sure of my future after last week's incident. Some people think I should leave, some think I should stay. I'm torn, as I'm miserable and really hating life right now. On the other hand, I don't want to feel like I've failed or gave up too soon. Every day is a struggle not to simply tell some of the kids that they are lousy little monsters and that they deserve whatever hell is in their future, that it is their choice. I know that I'm dealing with a product of years of bad circumstances, but that just makes me feel hopeless about my ability for any success.
This weekend is crucial to recharging my batteries. I had very little in the way of reserves, and last week's events wiped them out. At least I didn't get hit by any eggs today.
Posted by G at 10:22 PM
October 30, 2002
Here's a new and exciting
Here's a new and exciting bit of New York culture I just learned about. All teachers at my school and every other school in NYC are preparing for Halloween.
Costumes? No. Candy? No. Decorations? No. A phalanx of malicious teenagers armed with limited vocabulary and rotten eggs? Yes. I revealed the teacher's equivalent of 'new car smell' today by asking why everyone was so freaked out about All Hallow's Eve. The whole staff laughed at me and my insane naivete. Apparently everyone in NY finds it a natural event that children attack their teachers at the end of October.
Heads up to all New Yorkers. This doesn't happen in other places, just in your state. In other states that also have the death penalty, we simply get dressed up, eat candy until we're sick, and then go home. As far as I can tell, this is simply a natural extension of my 'bodega theory.' Bodegas sell lumpy milk, puffy ham, and tainted monkey clumps to unsuspecting shoppers like me. I'm sure that some of them drummed up this idea to get rid of large volumes of rotten eggs at a nice profit. Where someone like me would simply see chicken reproduction and educators and youth who supposedly can't afford pencils, some bodega owner saw a marketing opportunity.
Lucky that my head wipes clean.
Posted by G at 09:23 PM
October 29, 2002
Quick update before bedtime- things
Quick update before bedtime- things are getting better at school, I'm recovering. I've been wanting to write some more, but it's been really busy. Everyone who has emailed or called, thanks for the support. It means a lot to me.
Posted by G at 10:25 PM
October 27, 2002
Ever since I bought my
Ever since I bought my first Pop Swatch, I've never been particularly fond of the whole damnable spring forward / fall back schedule. For those of you who own just one pathetic watch, try resetting fifteen of the little ticking buggers. I'm grateful for the bonus sleep hour, and it will make getting to class easier for the rest of the week, but I really just wish that the whole metropolis would move somewhere closer to the equator so we wouldn't have to worry about shorter days.
Last night I went out with Jen and Jen to my new friend Jen's place. A certain friend of mine has accused me of having a dearth of girl friends. He's incorrect, as they are all simply called Jen in New York. So Jen, Jen, Jen and I were joined by Mary and Patrick for a night of pumpkin carving. Jen and I worked together on a pumpkin, but due to a lack of communication, it essentially became one of those inkblot tests. I envisioned a skeletal tree, she carved out a happy tree chock full of leaves. She still carved out two exterior limbs that looked like crooked arms. I have no idea. The final votes ranged from an upside down penis, Brain from Pinky and the Brain, Peter Gabriel from the Shock the Monkey video, and a baby with encephalitis. We left it there, as I knew that it would simply scare my dog.
Posted by G at 10:56 AM
October 26, 2002
Nothing like heartening emails/ real
Nothing like heartening emails/ real letters in life. My wonderful friend Deanna wrote me a letter of encouragement at JUST the right time. Not that I've been weepy for the last few days, but I read the letter again. Some people think I'm independent, others know how much I really need good people in my life.
I just discovered that I'm a blogdaddy! E-cigars, anyone? My blogdaddy is my roommate Sparky, and now my friend Jen W just started a blog. I think she shows promise. I guess this makes Sparky a blog grandpa. I don't want to know where the gray hairs are.
Posted by G at 11:40 AM
Nothing like a sexual assault
Nothing like a sexual assault charge at the school to reaffirm my feelings of worth and success in my new profession. Last Wednesday, I was walking through the hallways between 8th period and home room. All teachers are supposed to do this, as it helps maintain control when there are no security guards. I regularly am in the hallways, telling kids to take off their caps, put away the walkmans, stop running, stop choking the next student, stop screaming obscenities, etc.
So back to Wednesday. This one girl (alternatively known as a spawn of Satan) is screaming obscenities at a girl another thirty feet away. I tell her to stop using language like that, to which she responds "fuck you, you fucking faggot." Lovely. Just what I need at the end of a day filled with textbook examples of failing at teaching.
I tell this wonderful representative of youth to follow me to the dean. This time I receive a blast of "fuck off, you fucking motherfucking faggot." I'm not particularly pleased by this outburst or by the contradiction in phrases. She starts to walk off, I reach out and grab at the top of her books, as you must NEVER touch a student. She lunges at me, shrieking and cursing, striking me across the chest. This of course is in a crowded hallway with every other teacher hiding behind their doors. She had dropped a pen and a hairclip, which I futilely held in some kind of pathetic hostage situation. One more demand to go to the dean, one more response of "fuck you, they're only worth a fucking dollar." In my mind, the only thing worth a dollar is maybe her value to future society, but that is neither here nor there.
Cue forward to Thursday, when I receive a call from the principal's office. I am informed that the spawn has filed charges against me, claiming that I humped her leg in this altercation. One of her cronies has signed a witness statement affirming the accusation, and there were no teacher witnesses to take my side. In between my stomach somersaults, my dean explains that if the parents file charges, I will be required to go to the local police precinct and be booked. I will be suspended pending the investigation. If the investigation goes in favor of the spawn, I would be registered as a sexual offender for the rest of my life. The parents will come in on Friday morning, try not to let this whole thing bother you too much, have a nice night, lalalalala.
I would say that Thursday evening was in the top three worst nights for me, EVER. No sleep, crying like some stupid child, vindictive thoughts towards this vicious liar, regret over the choice to move here to help kids, everything. I go in to school on Friday a zombie, no real lesson plans prepared, just prepared for the worst. Parents arrive 2nd period, I meet with them. My administration really supported me, never questioned if it were true, because they know me. They were talking with the parents for an hour before I even went into the room. I appreciated that.The parents are not pressing charges, they know their daughter lies, she has a rap sheet. I get to go back to teaching my classes, the student gets to go back to the hallways.
Do I stay with teaching? My ambitions to help kids never included the possibility of having my life ruined by a deceitful brat. It became crystal clear to me on Thursday that if I try to make a difference, I take the very possible risk of seeing my own life destroyed. Not that I have much of a life right now, mind you, but I do look towards the future occasionally. Kids will gossip about this, affecting the rapport I have built up with certain kids. This goes on my file, and what happens if another kid decides to do this? They'll look back, see this report, and think that they have a serial pervert. Once my name is cleared, I really have to make some decisions. I'm really, really tired and down this weekend. I also ran out of coffee.
Posted by G at 10:27 AM
October 22, 2002
I've been waking up every
I've been waking up every morning to the NPR station here in NYC, and I'm almost hoping that I'm the next sniper target, as I am so tired of hearing about it. People are shot every day in both NY and DC, and nobody comments on it. If you're a minority or poor person, you aren't going to make the headlines. If you're driving around in your SUV and come from European stock, THEN it's news. These are senseless deaths, but so is the death of one of the Teaching Fellows in Queens. Apparently he was struck down by a vehicle, and the only notice was in the Fellows email. Somehow I bet his wife and newborn daughter feel that his death is more significant, even if it isn't discussed every hour on the hour.
Posted by G at 10:49 PM
October 21, 2002
I have nothing really to
I have nothing really to post. I just don't want to write my paper for my university class. I don't procrastinate, but I have thawed the refrigerator, moved furniture, and I suddenly have the urge to vacuum the rugs. Backwards that's 'muucav'.
Posted by G at 06:51 PM
October 16, 2002
Birthdays are never exactly a
Birthdays are never exactly a hugely fun event for me, but getting through a day with my students definitely didn't ice the cake. If there had been candles on the wildly tasty cakes of the weekend, I would have made a wish for one single lesson plan to work. With thirty-two candles, I would also have wished that my professor had emailed us yesterday informing us that class was canceled, as Daphne and I only discovered this after driving an hour through Brooklyn.
On the plus side, I live in NYC. My mom sent me chicken feed, her own special take on chex mix. I pigged out tonight on it. I did some lesson plans, so I'm basically prepared for tomorrow. This weekend Chris is in town, I have Rannie's blogmeet on Thursday, something on Friday which I'm too tired to remember, and a housewarming party on Saturday. Now I'm off to sleep.
Posted by G at 09:27 PM
October 14, 2002
I'm going to bed. I
I'm going to bed. I had a WONDERFUL three day weekend, the batteries are recharged, the coke machine is empty, and the frosting/cake craving has been sated. Lesson plans were done, art was hung, rooms were cleaned, shelves were assembled, and passive voice was written.
Posted by G at 10:01 PM
October 11, 2002
I'm not sure which is
I'm not sure which is worse- being so fashionably inept as to require government assistance, or having a roommate who can effortlessly select the coolest outfit. He wears a t-shirt, looks famous. I wear a t-shirt, look homeless.
It's like being Adam and Eve in the garden. Until I met my smooth devilishly cool roommate, I was blissfully unaware that my ping-pongs and boobies shouldn't be bouncing about. Then I bit into the Big Apple, discovered that my 'unmentionables' included most of my wardrobe, and began to clothe myself with thrift store leaves and manpurses.
Don't get me wrong, I love having Sparky as a roommate. It's just that now that I know about matching my belt with not only shoes but also coats, I'm doomed. I have the knowledge of good and evil clothes coordination, but lack the ability to discern the difference. Now I leave the house badly dressed, with the full knowledge that I'm badly dressed. I think I understand the allure of naturists.
Posted by G at 10:14 PM
October 10, 2002
The deadline is approaching soon,
The deadline is approaching soon, and I really must figure out what I'll do for Halloween. I don't have time to make a giant penis again, and the globe has been done. Any ideas from anyone? I'm really looking for inspiration, and I'm very handy building things.
Posted by G at 07:30 PM
Due to a phone conversation
Due to a phone conversation earlier this week, I flashed back to last year, when I drove my wonderful convertible all the way to NYC for my interview with NYC Teaching Fellows. I think it was one of my favorite car trips. The weather was just perfect, and I spent a huge chunk of the trip with the stereo cranked and the top down. It was my first real autumn in a very long time, as the last few years of my life have been spent in treeless areas.
I'm looking back at those interviews with a bit of bemusement and sheepishness. You would figure that after Peace Corps, the altruism would have been burned out of me. When I discovered today that my darling seventh graders had stolen yet another pencil sharpener from me, my thoughts were not exactly the most positive. When the staplers, sharpeners, and mechanical pencils keep getting stolen, it is more than 'nickel and diming.' It is more like 'threeing and fiving'. I don't want to become one of those bitter teachers, but I can definitely see where they are coming from.
Posted by G at 07:28 PM
October 08, 2002
In case you're wondering what
In case you're wondering what I look like, I just discovered that my Apple homepage is still up. Whooda thunkit? Since I'm not paying the new charges, I thought it would be dead already.
Posted by G at 09:46 AM
Finally finished that damn list
Finally finished that damn list of 100. Who was the sadist who started this? I'm at home, coughing, hacking, and wheezing from some virus my lovely kids transmitted to me. I'm going to go back to bed now.
Posted by G at 09:44 AM
76. I'm not a Christian
76. I'm not a Christian any more, although I think the precepts of Jesus kick ass. Be nice to yourself, be nice to others, take care of things around you. My atheist friend Allen will cringe, but I still believe there is something bigger than me. If there is a hell, Jerry Falwell belongs there, as does Celine Dion.
77. If I were falling from a great height to a certain death, I would pretend like I was swimming, just to amuse the people below.
78. If I had a superpower, I would want to be able to create things with my mind, like making my imagination a reality. I could conjure Krispy Kreme donuts.
79. Goofy moment one: knocking myself out while siphoning gas at the cabin, waking up with a massive headache. I think it was the only high I ever had. I still envision the look on my face as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.
80. Goofy moment two: junior year prom, decorating on a ladder, held steady by two girl friends. Corbin Allen, mindless football player, chooses this moment to pull my pants and underwear down to my ankles, ripping them in half in the process.
81. I can't stand George W. Bush. He makes me ashamed to be from Texas.
82. I'm proud to be from Texas. Nowhere else in the world has a separatist movement based out of a mobile home.
83. If I had the body, I would be a stripper. If I had any rhythm whatsoever, I would be a good stripper.
84. I have terrible gaydar, but I can automatically tell a man is gay if he orders a raspberry mocha. It's one of those things.
85. I have probably watched the Matrix a zillion times.
86. I'm really having difficulty thinking of one hundred things.
87. I like explosions. I inherited that from my dad.
88. I like order. I inherited that from my mom.
89. If I had hair now, I'd want a 'fro.
90. My roommate has a really cool nickname. I wish I had a cool nickname.
91. His list of 100 described me as his sidekick. When I complained, he said the hero always gives the sidekick fashion advice.
92. I can't remember the color of a guy's eyes, but I can tell you everything about his car.
93. I love pranks, but seldom get the opportunity. Most people outside of my direct family members don't get the humor behind faking my own death.
94. I have an allergy to shellfish, but I really miss eating shrimp. I want to eat some, then stab myself with my reaction Epipen before its expiration date. It just seems a waste to throw it away, just because it will expire soon.
95. This kind of reasoning is the logic behind all of my food poisoning escapades.
96. It just dawned on me that the reason I don't gamble with lottery tickets is because I play the 'spoiled food lottery', which is much more exciting.
97. In an emergency situation, I know how to fly and land planes.
98. I gnaw on my knuckles. I find it much more soothing than biting nails.
99. The devil is not in the details, the devil is in my pants.
100. Last one, FINALLY. I always could use more coffee.
Posted by G at 09:42 AM
October 05, 2002
My mind is one of
My mind is one of the weirdest places, especially during those extended dream sequences. I was totally exhausted last night, and going to bed at 8 seemed totally reasonable. I slept until 8 this morning, surfacing from the sleeping pool a happier and more lucid individual.
I've been having more than my fair share of weird dreams for the last few weeks, but I'm not even sure where the source is for last night's dreams. Someone was going to kill a mouse, which kept seeking refuge with me. I was having to protect it from various predators and friends who all wanted to kill it. I took care of it and it turned into this huge glossy rat. I was horrified by the creature, but couldn't seem to bring myself to kill it, even though I knew it was going to attack me. As dreams like this always seem to do, it turned into a huge dance number in a disco. I was the only person with NO rhythm, as I was having to dance with this stupid rat in my hands.
Posted by G at 11:25 AM
October 03, 2002
I received an email from
I received an email from the Teaching Fellows entitled "Your Honeymoon". The letter explained that most of us had been experiencing the honeymoon period, and that things could get worse over the next few weeks. Honeymoon period?!?!? If this was my honeymoon period, I can't wait for the post-coital nightmare of classes next week! I think this means that my new educational bride is going to roll over in bed, cut off my manhood, and smack my head repeatedly against the headboard.
I was observed today by one of my professors from Brooklyn College. He is actually a very good teacher with years of experience in real classrooms, and many of his comments were helpful. However, it was just wildly depressing and frustrating that most of his ideas are ones in my plans, I just haven't had any TIME. My room has no board space as it was originally a home-ec (sp?) room. I have all these useless cabinets and nonfunctioning sinks. I will buy some plywood and seal up the areas for more space, but that is not an easy task. I will make more posters from scratch displaying some of the older lessons, design better constructivist lesson plans, and somehow motivate some of my eighth graders to memorize their multiplication tables. Maybe if I give up an outside life and sleep entirely, I can accomplish these things. Or maybe I can get really fed up with the whole shebang, throw this one particular surly girl out the window, and begin my life anew as a whirling dervish. I think I would like spinning.
I just need to make it through tomorrow, have a glass of wine, and finish some projects over the weekend. My batteries are totally drained, my throat is sore from shouting, I have shooting pains in my knee, and my back is becoming permanently curved from carrying home two teachers editions plus notes.
Posted by G at 07:45 PM
October 02, 2002
I think I want sweat
I think I want sweat pouring off my body this weekend. Any takers?
Posted by G at 10:16 PM
51. I don't want to
51. I don't want to have kids. But if I ever had a daughter, I'd name her Rio, and she would have to dance on the sand. Dance, damn you, dance!
52. I have never eaten a booger, or glue, or chalk.
53. Watching someone draw anything with a pen or pencil hypnotizes me.
54. Hockey is fun. Blood bounces on ice.
55. I love hunting turkey. If you've ever seen a turkey in flight, you'd know that they deserve to die.
56. My first gay experience was in Skagway, Alaska.
57. When I had hair on my head, I looked like Guy Smiley from the game show on Sesame Street. Later, when I was fat and grew my hair into a ponytail, I looked like Steven Segal.
58. I dance like a white boy raised in a Baptist church.
59. My first kiss was Jennifer McKinney in 9th grade. First attempt we bonked heads.
60. My best kiss was Massimo Bilancione, an Italian tourist in London. We kissed in Leicester Square in a warm summer rain.
61. My favorite keychain was my Buddha keychain. I liked having the wise man of a billion people in my pocket.
62. My ultimate travel destination would be New Zealand.
63. I don't salute the flag, I think that being a patriot can't be defined by a hollow rote monologue.
64. I know how lucky I am to have been born American.
65. I have no fear of public speaking.
66. I can hold my breath for over two minutes.
67. I don't really meditate well. About two minutes of deep breathing, I'm asleep.
68. I have played a turn based videogame 48 hours without a break.
69. I don't believe in astrology at all.
70. I do believe in ghosts. I've seen one.
71. I believe in fairy tales.
72. I'm allergic to shellfish and thimerasol.
73. I would love to get into politics, but I don't want my private life made public.
74. I have owned my Coke machine for fifteen years.
75. No cavities, plus I floss every night.
Posted by G at 09:57 PM