« Okay, so the attempt at | Main | Psycho whining boy, table for »
January 06, 2003
I am really looking forward
I am really looking forward to having the new roommate move into the loft. For the last month or so, I've been really lonely. I'm a social animal and I need interaction. People who have seen my hairy arms know that I have not-so-latent social monkey genes. I have lived with other people my whole life, and even though I often need my own space, interaction is still vital. Frequently I am sitting here, and I have to go to Life Cafe just for some conversation. Dan and I had, in my opinion, one of those excellent casual communication systems. Most of the time, it was more presence than actual conversation. Now Dan basically lives over at Stephen's place, and I have to admit that I was really disappointed when he canceled on staying here tonight. For the past few months, our old system has been replaced by his making a beeline for his nest, going to sleep, and then heading back over to Stephen's. The fact that I learned of his moving out through friends and his blog shows the extent of how we communicate now.
I know I'm a bear to be with right now. I feel sorry for my friends and Dan, because I know that my socializing has such a frantic quality to it. My day to day life is quite miserable, and so I pin too much on my time with friends and Dan. That is a lot of pressure for people that already have full plates. Often I just go to my side of the loft, read a book, listen to some music. However, the huge empty loft makes me avoid my normal quiet time for recharging, my normal schedule has been thrown out the window, and I'm as cranky as a constipated 90 year old in the rest home.
I guess the new year is bringing some good things. This will be my stepping out on my own, even if it is with a little kicking and screaming. I'm meeting my neighbors, making new patterns, starting yoga. I'll start a batch of cider. I'll bring over some friends to help redecorate, maybe build some new walls, make the space my own. In six months, I'll look back and wonder why I was so miserable tonight. Plus I'll be out of school.
Posted by G at January 6, 2003 11:08 PM