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February 09, 2003
I had the perfect opportunity
I had the perfect opportunity to converse with my head dean and assistant principal of my school on Friday. I asked them to give me their absolutely honest opinion of my performance. I share a wall with the dean's office, and on numerous occasions one of them comes over to yell because my kids are so out of control. They had both just had a meeting with the parent of one of my new demons who has just been transferred to my class. I told them to tell me the truth, that I was one of the worst teachers in the school. They both laughed and told me I wasn't even in the top ten. We then had an informal review, both of them giving me some really good advice to improve class management. We were laughing about some events that have happened in my class,
I left feeling slightly better, then I got to the stairwell. Hey! I'm a math teacher, and that wasn't such a great ranking! Even if I'm not in the Kasey Kasem Top Ten Terrible Teachers, that means I'm probably in the next group, which means I'm in the bottom fifty percentile of teachers at my school. Damn, damn, damn. My entire life, I've always been in the top quartile of anything I've set my mind to accomplish, and more usually the top one percent. It's not ego, it's hard work and a wee bit of obsessive/compulsive behavior.
The more I live my life, the more I find the challenges expanding. This last summer I confronted the very real possibility of failing at the Math Immersion program, and I aced the qualification exams after working 25 hours a day. Now I'm a first year teacher having his ass spanked every day, grateful to be in the bottom fifty percent of teachers. Woohoo, there are at least ten teachers who are apparently in an advanced vegetative state that allow the children to eat poop or something. My kids just get into fights nearly every day, leave the room without my permission, and steal anything that isn't bolted down. I know I'm not a failure, but I sure as hell am not a success either. There are no plans for a "Mr. Family Name's Opus" in the theaters any time soon.
Posted by G at February 9, 2003 07:16 PM