« So party cleanup was brief | Main | Fun confrontation yesterday. I have »
February 24, 2003
I had the pleasure last
I had the pleasure last week of free lunch and conversation with a very nice guy named Matt. He did a Google search for NYC Teaching Fellows Math Immersion and my blog was up at the top of the list. Other bloggers apparently show up for ""freaky gay porn"" or ""a picture of jesus smoking a cigarette"." I show up on Google for math. He's been reading it for some time and wanted to ask me about the program, as he has just been chosen to join. He's nervous about it, especially after reading my blog, I guess. Who could think there is anything less than perfect about the program, especially after reading my site?
He's a wonderful guy, looking to help others, looking to change directions, looking for challenges. He's scared of the costs to himself, his girlfriend, his life. It was funny, because he'll be great. None of us are perfect in the program, we're all just people who were geeky enough to enjoy solving math puzzles in high school and college. We all had one or two good math teachers who made a difference, and we would probably put those people on our hero lists. We'd like to be heroes. Heroes leap into the tempest. Most of my friends in the program are in the same boat I am, barely keeping afloat in the currents of the department of education. It is still wonderful to watch all of us tearing apart a puzzle in our evening classes, as we still love math. I'm getting better every day as a teacher, even though I know I am far from perfect. Plus I'm drinking milk so I'll grow up to whup ass!
Matt had an interesting question, and it is something that I've pondered occasionally. I've had friends who have lost their jobs because of their blogs, alienated family, and been harassed by hate mail. What would happen if someone from my school or my Dad's side of the family found my site? Even though I removed it from the site rather quickly, Google still shows my site when you look for my name. I have serious doubts as to whether ANY of my students or relatives can turn on a computer, much less do a Google search, but they could get lucky.
What would happen to me? Some of my coworkers and administration are extremely homophobic, and my students' entire culture finds being gay worse than death. I think that all of my hard work could be invalidated just because of prejudice and fear. Most likely I would have to move to another school, just to avoid the stigma. I have no intention of stopping my writing. I'm not happy about being in the closet at work, but it would make work extremely hostile, and my kids don't have the necessary maturity or experience to handle it. I'll hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. Theoretically, it could be good, as it would give me a reason to move to a high school, which I would prefer anyway. Maybe I should leak the information?
Posted by G at February 24, 2003 10:36 PM