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May 12, 2003
I've always thought that food
I've always thought that food should just be that. Food. It always bothers me if some marketing department chooses to represent its product as a living character. The examples range from the McNuggets to Mr. Peanut. Food should not be allowed to talk, especially not ecstatically about their imminent demise. In one commercial, the McNuggets giggle and leap happily into their respective dips. In reality, they would thrash pathetically in their frozen state, scream piercingly during the frying process, then finally curse Ronald as either their upper or lower body is dipped into some sweet syrup and masticated. They, like me, should be afraid of clowns. Poor Mr. Peanut has to lean on a cane because someone has cracked him open and removed his nuts. These should not be happy representatives.
Products like Mr. Clean are okay, as he isn't cut open for his cleaning power. However, my issues also extend to coffee mugs shaped like people's heads. Although the idea of imbibing caffeine from certain people's heads sounds fun, it should only be an option of someone you despise. Drinking from the real skull of Celine Dion would be supremely enjoyable, the plastic skull of a weather beaten fisherman or Yoda is just disturbing.
While I'm at it, why hasn't the silly Rabbit ever just killed the kids for Trix? Why exactly is it that Trix isn't for rabbits? He's obviously a very smart rabbit, unlike Barney Rubble. He has been trying to get it for years, can't he just possess it and then eat it in private? For that matter, the stupid leprechaun from Lucky Charms should just use his magic to remove the air from around the children who are always taking his cereal. If someone were to steal my red hearts, blue diamonds, and green clovers, I'd be filled with leprechaun rage. I would probably enjoy using my magic powers to turn the children into marshmallow goodness. Then they'd be forced to eat themselves, which would be delicious irony.
Posted by G at May 12, 2003 09:28 PM