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June 08, 2003
Four foot diameter hooters
Saturday I went to Field Day 2003, courtesy of Dave and Erin Leamon. The two-day event was supposed to be in a field on Long Island, thumping with tons of cool bands. Dave (former roommate from Lubbock) took me to rock while his wife Erin went to shop. Dave is the ultimate person to go to concerts with. I’ve seen him in full KISS regalia, something that seems strangely appropriate. Apparently he’s a very good lawyer, but I think he missed his true calling as a big hair band singer. If I’m ever allowed one phone call, I know whom I’ll call. He also wears glasses with such strong prescriptions that when I borrowed them, I could actually see the cellular structure of the skin on my hand. I bet Stephen Hawking has the exact opposite prescription, which is why he can see to the limits of the universe.
This is the first time in years I went to a music event in a big stadium. Of course, this event wasn’t supposed to be in a stadium; otherwise they would have called it Stadium Day. However, they didn’t get the right permits, Suffolk County canceled, so they transferred as much as possible to Giants Stadium. I made the clever choice of wearing shorts and sunblock on my head so I could work on my tan. This made sense on Friday when the temperature rose to about 80. I think it dawned on me that this wasn’t such a good idea when the guy on the stage started advising people to watch for signs of hypothermia. We were up in the seats, directly underneath an eave, so we were perfectly dry, if a bit cold. The poor little hipsters below drifted aimlessly about like a pack of wet hip animals, most covered in a rainbow of slickers. It looked like some sort of condom ad for new colored rubbers. Perfectly mussed hair isn’t so perfect after having about eighty gallons of water dumped upon it, and these kids don’t have a lot of meat on them. Poor Beck apparently slipped heading towards the stage and was put in the hospital.
The bands were great. Beth Orton won me over with her bad jokes, Blur had a great set, and Beastie Boys were smooth. The nacho cheese product was as expensively tasty as ever. New Jersey has their own unique additive for spice: pepper. We even got to see two trashy girls expose themselves on Diamondvision. Nothing like having your B-cup enlarged to approximately 4 feet across a giant screen, I guess. One of them had nice breasts, the other one could have divined water with hers. Future tip for that girl- save it for the talk shows I don’t watch.
Posted by G at June 8, 2003 11:24 PM