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July 25, 2003

Reflections and Decisions

Taken from one of my comments last week:
"So here you are... one full summer after you started NYCTF Math Immersion. You were ready to bag it during the winter, but said that the right thing to do was wait until the summer to make a formal decision.

Are you going to continue with it, or have you not made a decision yet? Not to bias you, but it sounds unbearable... the kids, the principal, the whole nightmare. It's hard to even read about! Wouldn't you be happier doing something else? Your well-being counts too, you know. :-)
Posted by A Former NYCTF Hopeful at July 20, 2003 04:45 PM "

Comments like this definitely hit the nail right into my mental status right now. The NYC TEaching Fellows, which was just found to be one of the bestalternative teaching programs in the US, has provided a strange mix of stress and support over the last year. I have one week left of Calculus II and geometry (90 and 93 for my midterm test grades, thank you very much) and then I have a whole month to reflect, recharge, and make decisions.

I've had a miserable time over most of my first teaching year, and my blog has been my most effective form of venting. I write this to keep friends and family informed, but more important, it is a diary for me. My fears, my anger, my depression have all been probably a little too public. I probably didn't write enough about the good times and the good lessons, because I'm too self-critical, and I already have so many ideas for how this next year will be different.

Next year will be different. I'll be teaching at the junior high above my old school with a new principal, a new set of kids, and a new set of rules. I'm much more experienced after only one year, and everyone says the first year is the worst. I'm far from looking forward to the year, but I'm not dreading it like the last one. I will focus on the successes, correct the mistakes, and forgive myself for being far from perfect.

Will I stay with the program after the coming year? I haven't decided that yet. I might move overseas again, I might teach in England, I might take some time off and apprentice with a restoration company. Maybe I'll start up my car mechanic shop that I occasionally dream about. I am pretty certain I won't be teaching junior high, because I want to transition to high school. Hormones are too crazy during junior high, and their acne is infectious. I have too much forehead surface area for that.

Posted by G at July 25, 2003 10:56 AM

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Posted by: barry at July 27, 2003 08:11 PM