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July 27, 2003

Texas Chris' rebuttal in defense of erotic bruising

It has recently come to my attention that the proliferation of erotic bruises (known more crudely as "hickeys") about my neck in recent weeks has caused quite the controversy on my roommate's website. Of course, such joking may be nothing more than petty jealousy at my numerous sexual exploits and the exuberance of my still flowering and youthful libido. Regardless of the direct causes for such derision at the expense of my reputation, such innocent joking belies the seriousness of rampant sexual fascism that stigmatizes those of us who can actually get laid once in a while.

The stigmatization of non-normative sexual practices finds its historical and cultural roots even in our American past. While it might come to the surprise of some, American history is, indeed, a history of sexual hang-ups. The practice of erotic bruising evokes images from Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic, The Scarlet Letter. Erotic bruising, after all, is nothing more than a scarlet letter with less precision. In each case, an anxious society constructs an atmosphere in which jealousy and repressive sexual mores conspire to ostracize persons of healthy sexual appetite.

While Hawthorne's tale certainly speaks to the personal heartbreak and scandal of a vicious society, Hester Prynne's isolation from her community also acts as a metaphor for the ways in which the state strips the individual of her or his basic human rights by exploiting her or his sexual practices. Much like the recently overturned sodomy statutes in Texas and various other third-world countries, these outdated conventions only harm the citizenry of this great Nation. After all, if I should enjoy a good plowing now and again, what business is it of the state? I can think of nothing more patriotic than a good dicking. We might well say the same things for erotic bruising or any other act of sexual pleasure deemed unacceptable by fascist sexual moral codes. To quote a great American statesperson, President Thomas Jefferson, "In the entire history of man, no practice has emerged more odious than the oppression of the greatest right endowed by his Creator--getting kinky." After Mr. Jefferson's address to the Virginia House of Burgesses, Sally Hemmings reportedly put him in the stocks and gave him a good spanking.

The issue of erotic bruising must be addressed in our public discourses as its practice becomes increasingly widespread. Why, Jenna Bush's recent exploits with k.d. lang produced so much erotic bruising that the First Daughter has earned the University of Texas' reputation as the A-Chi-Ho of Fraternity Row. The use of such a vicious moniker should be spurned and Jenna Bush should be afforded the right to act out her desires whether with k.d. lang, Ashton Kutcher, or the entire Texas Tech University Goin' Band from Raiderland. Nonetheless, she should really get those nasty little bumps downstairs checked out.

As for myself, I must admit that despite my more than healthy sexual lifestyle, the presence of what might at first appear to be erotic bruising is truly more innocent than Glenn implies. I have recently been diagnosed with anemia and am thus given to bruise easily. In all honesty, the appearance of what my roommate has interpreted as "hickeys" are no more than bruises from when I fell and bumped my neck against a curb--seven times.

Posted by G at July 27, 2003 01:00 PM

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Posted by: Danny L. at July 27, 2003 09:28 PM