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August 13, 2003

Tripping

I love how certain things can be misinterpreted with totally new interpretations. I’m sitting on this sketchy Greyhound bus to Rehoboth, DE with new roommate Michael. We’re doing a beach trip for a few days, a journey I’ve been looking forward to for some time. I’m discovering that Michael is as skilled about making inappropriate comments as I am. We’re going through the Lincoln Tunnel while he describes how the air in the tunnel is extremely toxic, and how people commuting on buses usually pass out while all fighting over the same foul limited amount of oxygen. He is telling this to me in the tunnel, on a bus, and I’m suddenly aware of holding my breath. The air seems fetid, and I’m wondering whether I should smother someone to stay alive.

Taking Greyhound is an experience I relish and dread. The mix of strangeness is more extreme than a subway car from Brooklyn, as it also mixes in redneck tourists and strangely sticky cushioned seats. The woman next to us appeared to be ‘Jenna Bush’ing the man next to her, her head face down in his lap. Another gay boy who didn’t make the cut for fashion consultant on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is wearing a tie and Capri pants with flames on the bottom.

Naturally, our conversation drifted to the topic of white trash desserts. They all contain the same two basic ingredients: refined sugar and Cool Whip topping. His favorite is Ambrosia, which is always pronounced with a heavy drawl on the ‘o.’ Ambroooooozhia is made of sugar, Cool Whip, and instant pudding. This stuff is actually quite tasty, in a trashy way, as evidenced by an old friends advice. “Always use high quality Cool Whip non-dairy topping, as the other brands just ain’t as good.” Yes, Cool Whip is actually a premium brand.

Ever since I was first introduced to Furrs cafeteria, I’ve personally loved Millionaire Pie. Furrs is the trashiest pleasure around, especially on a Sunday senior citizens discount day. Table upon table, row upon row of cranky old folks, loading up on prunes and jello salad. Sheer magic, and I love every dish there. Macaroni and cheese, chicken fried steak, fried okra, and Millionaire Pie. The ingredients are sugar, Cool Whip, butter, some eggs, and pineapple in a piecrust. I’m describing this confection to Michael, and he misheard my description. He thought I said ‘Million Hair Pie.’ Wild pantomimes and theatrics ensued. Needless to say, when rolling around from laughter, do not roll on the floor of a Greyhound bus.

Posted by G at August 13, 2003 09:55 AM

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Comments

Posted by: sam at August 13, 2003 02:12 PM

Posted by: Dinky-doo at August 14, 2003 01:35 AM

Posted by: Lee at August 14, 2003 04:06 AM