Glennalicious: The king of Frumpy

November 15, 2003

The king of Frumpy

I am so gross right now. I've been sick for three days with a nasty gross flu. I've been stuck in the same stinky bed for three days. I'm taking showers, but it's hopeless, as I'm sweating profusely. Don't even get me on the halitosis. The doctor gave me antibiotics on Friday since I have a throat infection, but even bacteria is no excuse for the nasty ass smell emanating from my throat. I can smell it, the neighbors can smell it, my dog uses her canine telepathy to ask me how I learned to lick my own ass. I'm unshaven, I'm in a wrinkly t-shirt, sweatpants from the 80's, and really expensive socks that are supposed to wick away the moisture. I need that for my entire body.

I'm cranky, miserable, and a big baby. Every inch of my body hurts. My scalp, which normally begs to be stroked and fondled, shrieks whenever anything makes contact. My eyeballs are scratchy, my knee feels like post-surgery, and my spine appears to be turning into a pretzel. Did I mention the horrifying halitosis?

Posted by G at November 15, 2003 11:06 PM

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Comments

Where did this disease come from? Where'd you get those sweatpants? How did you learn to lick your own ass? Did you take a class somewhere? Just curious. It's good to learn new things. Hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: Eric at November 16, 2003 12:46 AM

The disease came from the time-honored teacher tradition of filthy little children infections. I learned to lick my own ass through simple observation of really arrogant jerks, although they do offer a seminar at NYU.

Posted by: Glenn at November 16, 2003 12:01 PM

gosh, with the exception of the halitosis the overall picture is -- oddly enough -- kind of cute in a "tuck him in and snuggle the teddy under his arm" sort of way.

Hope you're feeling better, or soon.

Posted by: theRegent at November 17, 2003 01:08 AM

Oh, Glenn, I feel for you...I have the same damn thing. I've been totally wiped out. And now I have insomnia. Peachy. Feel better, drink lots of fluids, sleep as much as you can, and think happy thoughts. Let's get together when we're both flu-free, OK? xoxo

Posted by: Jen W. at November 17, 2003 01:42 AM

Glenn, my friend. Bourbon.

You already sound miserable, it couldn't make things much worse. Trust me, I learned all I need to know about medicine from my Russian neighbor in 2nd Otdeleniye.

Posted by: Nathan at November 19, 2003 01:49 PM