« Off to London | Main | Woohoo bubbly! »
January 06, 2004
Scatological Culture
I'm not sure if it was the change from UK food to US food, or maybe the frozen/thawed/refrozen rice with my tofu yesterday. All I know is that I produced something vaguely reminiscent of one of those twiggy things from the Blair Witch Project.
I know this because I was dealing with an American culture toilet. Having seen Bear shit in the woods, living in Central Asia, Russia, and Europe, I feel it is safe to say that I have seen most major toilet designs.
My least favorite toilet is the Turkish pit toilet. Dig a hole, build a platform above it, hope you don't fall in afterwards. It's dark, smelly, and not a good place for reading Popular Mechanics.
Russians are better, but still not my style. It looks like a normal toilet from the outside, but inside there isn't any water for you, only a weird shelf. You make art on the shelf, then possibly spend some time analyzing it, except for the stench (did I mention the chronic intestinal parasites I dealt with in Central Asia and Russia?) You pull the plunger on the top of the tank, water shoots from the back of the toilet, and your latest sacrifice to the poop god shoots off the shelf into a pipe at the front.
Brits don't want to see it, don't want to smell it, can't admit they did it. They are the reason why we have books like "Everybody Poops." Their toilets are deep and dark, filled with water at the base, and you can't really prove you had a poop. It's like a ghost poop, as you think you pooped, but you can't see it or smell it. You almost popped a vein in your head, but there's nothing to see when you're done.
I'm not obsessive, at least not terribly so. I'm just American. Life, liberty, and the ability to see your own poop visible and relatively odor-free in water. Like freedom, it is something to be cherished. You're done, you look down, and you think, "Hmmmm, that really looks like a bust of Abraham Lincoln."
Posted by G at January 6, 2004 09:46 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.glennalicious.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/105
Comments
What the hell did that have to do with Ella Fitzgerald?
Posted by: Charlie at January 6, 2004 10:53 PM
The intestinal parasites make you sound so sexy...
Posted by: sam at January 6, 2004 11:43 PM
Deep down inside you I know there's some good in there.
Posted by: kayo at January 7, 2004 01:15 AM
I just *hope* that this is not a summary of your trip to London! :-)
And...I dunno...why am I not surprized that you'd write a post like this? Yer a strange lad! I like that!
BTW - A friend of mine is currently in London and wrote saying he was shocked! and disheartened to see Krispy Kremes being sold at Harrod'a
Posted by: Lee at January 7, 2004 01:59 AM
Glad to see that in all of your travels you absorbed some useful information, other than the usual drivel like language, art, history. I feel like I have experienced half of the world through this post. Thanks!
Posted by: Out There at January 7, 2004 03:49 PM
Hmmmm..."Poop as a Point". I'm warming up to the idea.
But honestly Glenn, I don't think it's much to sniff at.
Posted by: Danny at January 8, 2004 12:10 AM
Bette Davis said it the best. "What a Dump!"
Posted by: newell at January 8, 2004 03:43 PM
In our defense, the low water line allows for a margin of flush error not afforded to our colonial cousins. Fill the u-bend of a US toilet (as I have in 5 states) and you have immediate overflow. UK toilets allow you at least one tank-full before flooding the bathroom.
Cheers,
a mortified Brit
Posted by: Johnny Heisenberg at January 8, 2004 07:28 PM
the thing i hate about british loo's is that the deepness with the pitiful puddle is at the front with a dry porcelain slope at the back. so the poop always hits the back, leaving a disgusting smear as it slides into the water. if they would reverse this, put the deep pit at the back, you wouldn't have to be oh so aware of all those who had used it just before you.
Posted by: telefrank at January 22, 2004 10:02 PM