Glennalicious: February 2004 Archives

« January 2004 | Main | March 2004 »

February 29, 2004

Pronunciation

I thought I was pretty knowledgeable about my own language. Moving to Uzbekistan forced me to remember the old grammar rules, I've always read voraciously, and I can bullshit my way through most topics of conversation. I felt like the Safire of Texas.

Living in NYC has exposed me to how little I know about my own language. The weak points of my intelligence bubble began to appear with words like Goethe (I pronounced Geethe), erudite (air-uh-dite), and other rarefied words. I had read books by them or with the words included, but never had them discussed orally until I moved here.

This week witnessed the final blows. How could I have been felled by OFTEN? I say ofTen, apparently it is ofFen. I can't pronounce awrange, hawror, or anything ending with ING. I remember practicing how to speak by watching the national newscasters, and I've always been proud of my relative absence of Texan drawl.

Dana and I have been looking up words all weekend, but I finally found one that I say correctly. Coitus. Everyone else said it was coytus, but the primary pronunciation is co uh tus. Ha! I'm right about sex words!

Posted by G at 09:44 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

SooperDooper Procrastinator

I'll finish the Hawaii pics and stories some time this week. I'm working on all sorts of stuff for university classes right now.

Posted by G at 09:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 25, 2004

Comment Spam

Notice to everyone reading the blog:

Do NOT click on any of the links in my comment system. I'm being flooded with comment spam, and I'll be able to fix it this weekend. However, I can't delete every one, as they are sending about 30 a day. They will send you to drug and sex sites, but not good ones.

No comment on which sex sites are good.

Posted by G at 05:21 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 23, 2004

Hawaii, Part 1

It really depends on your viewpoint how my vacation launched. I packed Friday night, overpacking as I am now wont to do. As I get more bonus points on my gay card, the suitcase seems to get larger. Back in my seriously unfashionable straight days, a few extra large t-shirts sufficed. Now I have to match things, make layers, make sure everything is kicky. As my fashionable roommate was already gone, I�m really not sure if the things I picked out match. I gave up around midnight, feeling strangely feverish.

After five hours of sleep, I got ready and left for JFK. The car service was about 20 minutes late, but I still arrived about 90 minutes before the flight. I knew this was going to be a busy day at the airport, so I didn�t want to be late. I might as well have arrived ten minutes before the flight, as they overbooked the flight by 26 people. I didn�t have a seat, so they bumped me. I would have been upset, but they managed to transfer me to an American flight that would still get me to my connecting flight in LA on time. They also gave me $400 in travel vouchers, which I find ameliorates stress admirably.

I raced over to American to get on that flight. Oops, silly airline, they were overbooked, and I was bumped again! Woohoo! I had now been at the airport for 6 hours trying to get on a flight. Did I mention that the strange fever from the night before became a raging fever/flu? I�m alternating between shivering madly and sweating sessions. There was a hot guy who was flirting with me, but he thought I was some junkie on crystal meth. American Airlines couldn�t find a way to get me to Hawaii on Saturday, but rerouted me to San Francisco, put me up for the night, and sent me the next morning to Honolulu. My bag was already enjoying the weather in Hawaii, I didn�t even have my toothbrush (violation of Peace Corps rules), and I was now sick as a dog (nice hotel lady found a thermometer strip, I was at 101). Again, the airlines feel terrible and give me another $500 in travel vouchers. At this point, I am feverishly excited, as I lose a day in Honolulu but have at least two free trips this summer. Because of the fever, I would have lost a day, so sleeping overnight in San Fran was okay by me.

Posted by G at 04:44 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

February 13, 2004

American Beauty, Pt. II: The Revenge

My daily walk to my school always involves interesting moments. The chicken heads erupting out of a plastic bag, the pile of dead rats on a rotted mattress, the 'dog crap' dance I dodge to the tune of music.

The moment in American Beauty with the small plastic bag drifting ever higher swirled into my reality this morning. One problem: in my reality, this is some filthy grimy tarp plastic approximately 15 feet long. The randomness of the American Beauty magical plastic bag prevented me from dodging its undulating tendrils. I stepped left, it switched directions to intercept. I dodged right, it dove towards me. I couldn't even shriek as the blasted thing wrapped its filthy crinkly arms around me. I was trapped like a dolphin in a vile tuna net, struggling helplessly against it.

The rest of the sidewalk is filled with students, parents, and bodega vendors. Through the blurry grimy perception of the plastic, I can see them staring at the strange math teacher doing a bizarre voodoo plastic dance. I wouldn't have helped me either.

Then I went in the school to teach. I'm really glad I have nine days off.

Posted by G at 05:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

American Beauty, Pt. II: The Revenge

Then I went in the school to teach. I'm really glad I have nine days off.

Posted by G at 05:35 PM | TrackBack

February 10, 2004

I'm a rambling man

Ron started me on this quick review. Yes, I have been to all these states, lived in a huge chunk, visited the rest. I left out Massachusetts because I don't think five hours in Boston's Logan airport counts, even though the weird tunnels under the airport constitute a lot of traveling in one state.

Create your own visited states map to impress your friends.

Posted by G at 11:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 08, 2004

Tripping

No LSD, no crystal meth, no pot. It's not that kind of trip. But I'm frantically gathering the necessary items for a trip to Hawaii.

1) I need to wash the dog. She's a bit off.
2) I need to sort through my entire wardrobe, find the shorts, find the sandals, find the things covered by sweaters and such.
3) I need to find a buffer body, maybe some biceps and chicken leg replacements.
4) I need to buy some other gifts for hosts that are perfect, tasteful, and unique. I'm leaning towards 'Hello Tittie' t-shirts.
5) Create the perfect iTunes mixes, especially the crucial 'I'm heading to a warm nice place' mix and the 'I'm heading to a nasty cold place, don't cry' mix.
6) Replace headphones that I massacred last night.
7) Print the itinerary, make giggling noises when I have paper evidence of my trip to a nice place.
8) Fake n' Bake one more time, giving my body some kind of signal to produce melanin. Otherwise everyone will call me Glenndalf the White.

Posted by G at 09:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 07, 2004

Fake&Bake

Technology sure can jump forward in just a few years. I used to tan in the fluorescent coffins back in Texas. It was quite relaxing, being bathed in light, this strange humming from fans and other unidentified sources. I always fell asleep, as I am basically a tanning narcoleptic.

I went to a newfangled one here in Brooklyn, basic cost: $2 per minute. I am going to Hawaii in a week, and I wanted a primer tan. The new one only takes 7 minutes, so I only started to get drowsy before it turned off. I was rather disappointed, but I'll go at least one more time before I leave.

Have I gloated to everyone sufficiently about going to Hawaii?

Posted by G at 11:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 03, 2004

It's just a boob, for the sake of pete

I didn't see it, but the image is indelibly seared into the retinas of my students. They keep talking about Janet Jackson's Superbowl incident, and I'm sure the bathroom door is closed for most of their ruminations.

Why is it that boobies, hooters, tatas, mammoramas, and jugglies can be a source of consternation for our country, but the funerals of the hundreds of dead American soldiers don't EVER make it to the news?

Posted by G at 09:34 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Time to censure Bush

If you haven't already, go to MoveOn's website, add yourself to their petition list. I excerpted their blurb, but even censure isn't enough. I want a boot up his ass on the way out the door January 2005.

In an attempt to escape responsibility for the misleading statements that led the nation to war, President Bush has announced plans to form an independent inquiry to look into what went wrong. An inquiry would serve the Bush administration well: it would envelop the issue in a fog of uncertainty, deflect blame onto the intelligence services, and push any political damage into 2005, after the upcoming election.

But the facts need no clarification. Despite repeated warnings from the CIA and Defense Intelligence Agency, President Bush and his administration hyped and distorted the threat that Iraq posed. And now that reality is setting in, the President seeks to pin the blame on someone else. We can't let him.

Congress has the power to censure the President -- to formally reprimand him for his betrayal of the nation's trust. If ever there was a time to use this function, it is now. Join the call for Congress to censure President Bush now.

Posted by G at 06:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack