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August 25, 2004

Sports

I’ve never been a jock. I’ve played sports, but I’ve always been better at things like running or swimming. Running was a natural development from being chased by gangs in junior high, and swimming allowed me to see tons of boys shirtless. Football, baseball, and basketball were always fairly traumatic. I have to admit that I throw like a shrieking teenage girl, catch like I’m missing my fingers, and can aim only at the side of very large barns.

The first time I broke my nose was in the fourth grade during the unsuccessful interception of a softball out in right field. Scott Svatos and I both were running towards the ball, looking up, running, looking up, and then colliding with a thud. We both missed the ball, much to the chagrin of our teammates. Of course, I don’t remember the thud. I just remember running towards the ball. I’m just goal-oriented that way. They dragged my unconscious body into the locker room, turned off the lights, and went to call my mom. When I regained consciousness, I thought I was dead, as I was in the dark, face and neck covered in blood.

Obviously moments like this make a boy not want to play. Getting in the locker room showers with other boys would be the only reason I would continue pursuing sports.

At the ripe old age of 33almost34, I have discovered that the talents I lacked as a child, I possess as an adult. I was throwing an item into a trashcan from a few feet away last week, and it went in perfectly. Olympic judges would have been impressed, as there were no enhancement drugs or tampering of scores. This trashcan is designed to not accept trash, I should point out. It is under a large overhang, has a high lip, and also has a ring of magma only seen by me.

Nor is this an isolated occurrence. Derrick threw some keys towards me, and I deftly caught them in midair. No shriek, no grasping at air, and no injuring of internal organs.

I think this has to do with the LASIK surgery I had a few years ago. I’ve always worn glasses, so my only options were myopic blindness or vision with blinders. I was always drawn inexorably towards blunt objects like doors and walls while walking, as if I were pulled by an unseen unifying field force stronger than gravity. This newfound set of skills has me wanting to try out some sports this fall. Rugby, softball, or volleyball sound fun. They’re not just an excuse to get nekkid and wrestle in the showers. If that happens, how can I be to blame?

Posted by G at August 25, 2004 08:00 PM

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Comments

Posted by: pua at August 25, 2004 10:07 PM

Posted by: Ridor at August 27, 2004 03:18 PM

Posted by: brian at August 30, 2004 02:18 AM