Glennalicious: Jeans

September 23, 2004

Jeans

Nothing like fashion to make you feel like some kind of grossly twisted circus freak.

Since way before Peace Corps, I've worn the same kind of Gap jeans. If I had been some kind of straight boy, this would have been okay. Some straight girl would have ignored my freakish jeans, just as I would have ignored her sagging breasts and treasure trail (actually, I had really good taste in my straight days).

My problem is that I chose this style of jeans back in my straight days. They are now two sizes too wide in the waist, and three inches too long for length. I woud always roll them up at the ankles, but not in a stylish way.

Derrick helped me pick out some new jeans, which have been really fun to wear. They seem to cover my freakish body in a good way, and I really enjoy wearing them.

It's the walking that drives me crazy. Since I don't roll up these new pants while wearing my new kicky shoes, I've discovered the most annoying and horrifying thing in the world.

My left leg is now shorter than my right leg. With the old jeans, I never noticed. With the new jeans, that back thingie that is at the bottom of the jeans always catches on my left shoe now.

I figure this is the result of all my knee surgeries after Peace Corps. After you remove all sorts of chunks from someone's knee, I guess that side gets shorter. All I know is that I have one more body image thing to be weird about.

I think I should change my name to Ilene.

Posted by G at September 23, 2004 11:45 PM

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Comments

"Come on, Ilene." No, I mean ALL over Ilene.

Posted by: steven at September 25, 2004 07:13 PM

try a chiropractor. they can do things to lengthen one leg or the other. just don't ask them to lengthen anything else (unless he's cute).

brian

Posted by: brian at September 26, 2004 02:16 PM

When do we get to see this freakish body of yours?

Posted by: PatCH at September 27, 2004 03:06 AM

Oh, come on, G! Not all of us have sagging breasts.

Posted by: Jen at September 27, 2004 03:55 PM

That Derrick is doing wonders for you kid.

Posted by: Ron at September 27, 2004 11:57 PM