Glennalicious

Sex on a trip always sounds fun and easy. In the movies or in books, people just start having sex. The temperature is always perfect, the scenery is suited for leaning/reclining, and nothing ever interrupts.

We’re driving through New Brunswick, and I’m definitely feeling frisky. This large province is basically one giant forest with ten people and ten thousand moose. I’m not sure if the moose hormones were in the air, or just having a sexy guy in the passenger seat, but we couldn’t wait until the evening. We found a nice little side road in the middle of the province and got out of the car. We started to have some fun. I’m on my knees, Derrick is making all the right noises, the moose are alarmed. We switch, my shirt gets peeled off, sweat is trickling down my chest. I’m really having fun.

Slap.

Not bondage. The mosquitoes have found me. Still enjoying myself.

Slap. Slap.

Not enjoying myself.

Slap. Slap. Slap. Definitely not bondage. More like a porn version of the Three Stooges.

I didn’t think to buy Deep Woods Off, even though I have fantasies about sex in the woods. We make a hasty escape back into the car. Safely ensconced in the car, I tilt the seat back. Derrick is stroking me, playing with my chest, driving me insane. Not as sexy as pushed up against a tree, but still quite fun. My moans and motions get more urgent, and I shoot.

This would be the end of the story except that I’m quite the shooter. I always have to point down or I’ll hit the wall behind me every time. Derrick neglected to block or point down, so I shoot all over, including over him, over my chest, over my head and all the way onto the back seat.

The back seat really would have just been a minor cleaning problem, except that the gifts to his parents are in the corner of the back seat. Since they are chocolates and sweets, I really don’t want them to have the extra gift or think the chocolates are too sweet. “No ma’am, that’s not cream filling.”

Thank the gods that they were in a plastic bag. My latest offering to the orgasm god managed to get EVERYWHERE but the inside of the bag.

I could only do this in a rental car.