Glennalicious: Battle of the bulge

October 30, 2004

Battle of the bulge

Boyfriends are really nice. They keep you warm on a cold night, they know when you're sad, and they can totally destroy your body image without even being in the room.

D stayed over on Friday night, knew I was a bit down, and was so sweet and cuddly that night. He even made yummy guacamole after school. Saturday morning he is in the bathroom, I'm getting dressed. I put my pants on, then grab my belt.

Everybody knows I have weird body issues. This morning they were confirmed. My belt is not fitting around my waist. I do the Dad thing and suck in my gut. No dice. I feel the worn spot on the belt to verify that the belt hole is the right one, then contemplate a no-food diet for a week. I refuse to go to a looser belt hole, then I realize that there is NO looser belt hole. Have I just been gaining weight without noticing? Is he going to dump me when he realizes he's dating a fat bastard? Am I going to be the dreaded recipient of my dad's family male body?

I refuse to lose the war against the freakishly weird family body. Strange gut overlapping the giant belt buckle, twiggy legs and arms waving feebly about in an effort to maintain counterbalance with the strange gut. If there wasn't a dick, there'd be nothing to hang the belt over. It's Kafka's Metamorphosis, but without the hard carapace.

I look down, and I see the OTHER black belt. My belt. The one I'm trying to wear is my boyfriend's belt. It looks like mine, but it is built to fit around his slimmer waist.

Silly, silly me. Now where's that cookie?

Posted by G at October 30, 2004 02:25 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.glennalicious.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/242

Comments

I must admit you had me to the bitter end with that little ditty ... enjoy the cookie, man.

Posted by: myke at October 30, 2004 04:14 PM

Whew! Me too. I was ready to call your friends for an intervention.

Posted by: Ron at October 30, 2004 05:56 PM

don't worry - you're NOT fat! After seeing yer pictures here, it shouldn't be a worry.

Posted by: Lee at October 31, 2004 01:11 AM

Good post. I was into it. :) ("It's got a good beat. I can dance to it.")

As for your body, you're kidding, right? Back when I was much thinner, I still wasn't built as well as you. Relax!

Posted by: Jess at October 31, 2004 08:45 AM

You sure you really want that cookie? I mean, yeah... the belt fits now maybe, but...

*evil grin*

Posted by: palochi at November 1, 2004 11:41 AM

Thank god I'm not the only one that has body issues. My boyfriend borrowed a belt and had to cut another hole into it. Talk about a enlightening moment in my day!

Posted by: Jim at December 6, 2004 10:34 PM