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November 30, 2004
Post-Turkey
The family returned to Texas on Monday afternoon, bellies distended from highly inappropriate eating levels, credit cards wildy depleted, and exhaustion from too much vacation. I miss them already. Maybe their arrival so soon after all the negative energy of the last few months in the loft was too abrupt a change for me. The loft feels too quiet after having two amazingly intelligent and charming teenagers liven up the space.
Like lots of other gay guys I know, I've developed an intense circle of friends who act as family. Straight family members create their own families, but usually through the really random act of procreation. I prefer my methods of adoption, as my new family supports and loves me.
However, my sister and her clan are really fun to be around. I'm lucky that I have some really great family members that not only know what I am, but what it took to get to this place.
It is nice to have hot water again, though.
Posted by G at 10:32 PM | TrackBack
November 27, 2004
Tourism is painful
I thought a house of gay guys filled a bathroom with various toiletries. My teenage nieces have redefined bathroom excess. Charlie cleared two shelves in anticipation of their arrival.
Not sufficient. There is neither enough space nor enough outlets in my poor bathroom. They have weird hair implements that defy description. Most involve electricity. I know that I haven't had hair in some time, but I didn't realize how much hair technology has leaped forward in ten years. I am certain that if I combined all the various hair concoctions, I could start cold fusion.
Posted by G at 12:21 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
November 25, 2004
Toys
I was definitely one of those kids who fell under the sway of the advertisements on Saturday morning. Being a latent homosexual didn't help, as I wanted some toys for different reasons than other little boys.
Stretch Armstrong. The commercials portrayed him with a real guy in a muscle shirt, sweating and fighting aliens. He was always wrestling in the ads with some other toy character that was vaguely lizardlike. The toy was this elastic rubber guy filled with some type of goo, and you could stretch his arms and legs about six feet without it snapping. It/he would slowly retract back to the original size.
I found the actor on television TOTALLY HOT. The toy was much more boring. Yes, he could stretch. Woopee. What really interested me was the laundry list of things that you couldn't do with Stretch Armstrong.
You couldn't cut him. You couldn't set fire to him. Most importantly, whatever you do, DON'T FREEZE HIM.
Well, of course I had to cut him, set him on fire, and I had to freeze him. Once cut, he oozed the most noxious plum colored gel. It had one of those strange petrochemical odors, and it stained the skin. Once I had him in segments, I began the experiments. He was also extremely flammable and left behind this charred tar. Freezing him caused the stuff to congeal and then crystallize. I put his poor mutilated body in our family's meat freezer, and in typical pre-adolescent fashion, immediately forgot about him.
I think I discovered him a few months later, badly freeze-burned, yet with the same fierce grimace set on his face. I respect that. I should find another, or maybe find the actor who portrayed him. He was cute.
Posted by G at 12:36 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 23, 2004
The re-swanking of the Swanktuary
I have been looking for the last few months for a new place, but my plans really have more of a departure date near June. Other places were not to be found in our budget, plus it didn't make sense to move to a new place when I plan on moving out of Brooklyn in about 6 months.
We've made some changes. Michael and his boyfriend Scott have just moved out. This gives us TONS of more space, a more relaxed atmosphere, and a guest room. With the decision to keep the loft, many major repairs are percolating. We took a trip to Ikea and other places for some fresh material. I'm properly repairing the floor in Charlie's area, sealing the rest of the floor, rewiring some other spots, and installing some more fuses.
The projects have taken on a frantic note, as my sister and her family are visiting for Thanksgiving. I would like to have them staying in a place that is welcoming and relaxing. To create this environment, I have put Derrick and Charlie through hell these last few days, but I promise them nicer digs and lots of alcohol.
Home has been really stressful for many months, and I really hope that the steps I'm taking will assure an environment I actually want to be in.
I'd better make sure the porn is hidden. Nothing more embarassing than your nieces finding those videos. Also, if anyone wants to see proof that my insanity is genetic, feel free to hang with my family while they're here.
Posted by G at 12:10 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
November 21, 2004
Parent Teacher Night
What a fun night to be a teacher. Thursday night was a bit long, as teaching all day and then seeing a horde of parents was draining.
I enjoyed meeting the parents of the good kids. I like telling parents that their child is a hard-working kid, or a brilliant future lawyer, or a good friend to other students. I have some really great kids, and it feels good to see pride in the parents' faces.
I also enjoyed watching Student M's mom beat him across the head with his empty journal, after she discovered that he had been lying the whole semester, deleting my phone messages from their phone, and destroying any documents from the school. Since I had proof of all these attempts to contact her about her little shit of a son's behavior, it was gratifying to see her smacking him about with the journal he never uses in class. I know that this woman doesn't normally beat her kid, as she was hitting him on the head and face. Abusers hit the body, where bruises can be covered by clothing.
I was the fourth and final teacher to talk to her. Apparently she had held it down for the other teachers. I relayed the incident to the others, and at least two expressed wishes to have been present for the smacking. He's a bright kid, although not bright enough to somehow prevent his parents from finding out eventually.
Silly teenager. Kicks are for trids!
Posted by G at 12:18 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 17, 2004
Turkey Day
I went to the WYSIWYG Talent Show last night. The topic of discussion was basically bad family holidays. If I had been drinking milk or any other liquid, I would have shot it through my nose at the end of Matt's piece.
Holidays are always a frightening event for me. For the first time, I am basically hosting, as my sister and her fam are coming into the city for Turkey Day. I have no idea what to do really, as holiday fare is something beyond my ken. As this is the town of take-away and amazing restaurants, I plan on just taking them out to dinner. Any suggestions would be highly welcome.
Let the drinking begin.
Posted by G at 05:23 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
November 14, 2004
Bob's photo pics
Posted by G at 10:44 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
Cancer sticks for Christmas
Derrick and I bought some really awesome chocolates for Bob's party. Normally, alcohol is the best gift for his parties, but he's moving to London. Consumeables seemed a good choice, and under the influence of a major chocolate rush on Thursday, delicacies were purchased.
Those yummy little green tea ganaches and truffles chilled in the fridge, sending out their chocolatey siren songs. Eat us, Glenn, eat us.... I resisted, knowing that I would partake of their deliciousness that evening.
It didn't happen. We took the L train from the Morgan stop, then switched to the 1/9 station. Here is our conversation as we waited for the 1 or 9 train:
Derrick, where's the chocolate?
Panicked look. I don't have it.
You're kidding me. Is it in your bag?
Exasperated look. I don't have it.
No, really. Stop pulling my leg. Where is the choco?
Face falls off, flames burst out of eye sockets. I DON'T HAVE IT! I LEFT IT ON THE L TRAIN! Face reattaches.
We raced back to the L train, as our exact train was looping back. I see the bag, race into the area, retrieve the bag. Yes! Victory! No. Loss. Someone had taken the contents, then left the bag. Damn, damn, damn.
Bob takes the loss with unflappable equanimity. He wants a carton of cancer sticks, the ones that cowboys apparently smoke, but lighter. I'm opposed to tarring anyone's lungs, but I had lost my own substitute for oral gratification.
You heard me. Oral gratification.
Posted by G at 09:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 12, 2004
Bob Ross
Since I was a little kid, I loved to watch the big-fro man who painted happy trees. Even now, I sink into a trance if he starts painting on the tv. My stress evaporates, my blood pressure drops, and I often leave with a remarkably improved outlook on life. As he said, "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents."
Everything in my life happens by accident. Moving to NYC was basically an accident, resulting from a chance meeting outside of a subway entrance in DC. My dog adopted me by accident. Meeting Derrick and falling in love was an accident.
The big haired man was right, except about those squirrels. Those freaked me out.
Posted by G at 08:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 11, 2004
Mmmm- Sugar
Pictures are worth a thousand words.
Choco Baby
Chocolate Moose
Jacques Torres and I, mocking my sister
Posted by G at 08:45 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
November 09, 2004
Extra insulin, stat!
I'm a chocojunkie, and it's time to indulge the craving. We'll be going on Thursday, if anyone wants to join. I went last year, and I left with such a rush. I can't wait.
Posted by G at 07:34 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 08, 2004
Cagney and Lacey
This weekend was spent in the lovely company of Greg, Rich, Michael, and Patrick. It was a great break from the city, as Vermont has a palette of colors that would make Bob Ross lose himself drawing happy trees. The trip up to Vermont was made even more wonderful because I found someone who also rides on the short bus of gay knowledge with me.
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. Who knew that you have even less of a clue than me when it comes to movies and celebrities? We're not even talking gay films and celebrities. We're talking ALL films and celebrities. Sure, he's sexy, smart, and talented. If you can't win at a game called Celebrities, how will you not be voted off the gay island?
In order to obtain the NYC rainbow card and toaster, I've been working diligently at night in gay classes. Gay film classics have played across the television, with quizzes afterwards. I've read a lot of the queer writers and history, even though they didn't have Cliff Notes. I can now at least nod knowledgeably in queer conversations. I might not know who Izaac Misrahi does, but I know that he is on our team.
Now that I know that Patrick doesn't know his Tyne Daly from his Sharon Gless, I'm free to go back to things I enjoy. No more chick flicks. Back to reading crap sci-fi. I'll go buy power tools at Target. If anyone looks askance at me, I can just point at Patrick.
Posted by G at 06:51 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
November 03, 2004
Bear is assuming the lease
She wants the loft, as the country is obviously going to the dogs.
HeeHee,Haa Haa, HuuHuu, I have a Canadian boyfriend. I'm going to make him take me with him, get married, and teach exclusively in French. I'll sell the house in Texas, buy a fabulous warehouse in Montreal, and use my amazing carpentry skills to build lofts for expatriated bloggers. They just have to submit to a very detailed physical examination.
Posted by G at 07:14 PM | Comments (19) | TrackBack
November 02, 2004
Get off your arse
and vote. I did, so now I get to bitch for the next four years if Kerry doesn't win, and pat myself on the back if he does win. Even if you live in a Democratic state, you still must vote, as he must win both the popular and electoral college to avoid court battles.
Don't know where to vote? Go here:
www.mypollingplace.com
Having problems? Call 866-MYVOTE1.
If you have a cold, BOTE!
Posted by G at 01:11 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 01, 2004
First Quarter
We're officially 1/4th of the way through the school year. Knock on wood- I haven't been sick yet, which is definitely different than the last two years (last year I'd already been sick four days). Three times now in the last week I've been observed by people from the district, state, and America's Choice program. Everyone likes what they're seeing, and the America's Choice lady wants me to become the model teacher for the math program.
I just finished all of my grading and report cards, which took a tenth of the time because of my Excel spreadsheet. I'm frustrated about how many kids are still failing, but I would say that most students are improving. The kids think I am insane, which is fine by me.
Every day is a new challenge or frustration, but I actually have time to deal with them. I'm calling parents, making children miserable during detention, scaring kids. My goal is to make a group cry.
Here's a fun one from today:
_______, please stop cussing in my classroom.
Mistah! What the fuck is cussing?!?!
Cussing is cursing, at least in Texas.
Well why the fuck don't you just say cursing?
After this f'ing time, ___________, I'll f'ing say cursing. How about you stop f'ing stop using the f' word? Take some notes, OK, before Mr. B goes on a rampage? Thanks.
Three more quarters to go.