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December 01, 2004
No joy for breakfast
I'm quite the sybarite for meals, mostly nights and weekends. Breakfast during the week is always just part of the job. I eat almost the same thing every day. Oatmeal for health and cholesterol lowering, made with kiwi fruit, honey, and soy milk. English breakfast tea, made with soy milk and Splenda.
So healthy. So boring, boring, boring. I've done my best with it, but I just don't like the stuff.
Today was a bit different. I forgot to get kiwi and I was almost out of soy. Scrounging around the fridge, I found the yogurt I bought for the visiting family. Because of constant pressure from friends and family, I actually looked for the expiration date. However, I could not find any note. I opened it. I sniffed it.
It looked a little funny on the top. Not funny, haha; more like it had some lumpy bits and a yellowish liquid skittering across the top.
I figured it was supposed to be that way, so I ate it. Yogurt is healthy, right? I thought it tasted weird, but I don't really like yogurt. Remember, school morning breakfasts are not someting I enjoy. I just consume.
This was not one of those good consumptions. By the time I got to the school, my stomach was cramping, and I thought I was going to have a technicolor yawn, right on the really annoying kid on the second row, next to the windows.
I made it through the day, of course. It takes more than a little hostile bacteria to poison me, but it is probably a good thing that I'm alone tonight. Horrendous farting makes for bad company. The dogs keep looking askance at me.
Posted by G at December 1, 2004 09:01 PM
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Comments
Mamma says: eating (drinking?) all that soy will give you man-boobs. Seriously, though, soy contains some compounds that behave like estrogen; so if you're a guy (and you want to stay that way), you probably should not be consuming it every day. That's my two cents.
As for breakfast, I hear ya. I pretty much do the same: oatmeal or some other kind of breakfast cereal, piece of fruit, glass of water. And then I'm out the door.
Posted by: Peter at December 1, 2004 09:41 PM
Soy stuff makes me super flatulent, Blech.
Posted by: homer at December 2, 2004 09:38 AM
Isn't it funny how yogurt with all that supposed healthy bacteria make you fart like the dickens? Or is that nature's way of cleaning the pipes?
Posted by: Hugo at December 2, 2004 09:46 AM
i feel no sympathy for the man that continues to risk life and limb to explore the wilds of his fridge.
kind of like i will have no sympathy for the stupid crocodile guy when he finally meets a croc that isn't taking it's prozac. "crikey, i do believe he's gnawing my leg off!"
Posted by: brian at December 2, 2004 02:17 PM
I'm still reeling from the use of both "sybarite" and "askance" in your post. It must be a side effect of the botulism.
Posted by: palochi at December 2, 2004 02:40 PM
I wish I had the wherewithal to eat food simply because my body needs it, and not because it tastes good.
If I fart and my dog looks at me funny...I stick my tongue out at her because let's face it, nothing...NOTHING is worse than dog farts.
Posted by: pua at December 2, 2004 09:45 PM
You really took a chance. My stomach is cramping just at the thought.
No Expiration Date? NO EAT!
Posted by: MzOuiser at December 3, 2004 08:44 PM