« Excuse me while I go blind in the other room | Main | Who are the people in your neighborhood? »
January 23, 2005
The foodening
I float along in my strange little insulated bubble. My own voice is strangely resonant. External sounds attempt to penetrate, but slowly muffle off. Sensations are dull and drowned. My new coat and fur hat and gloves and scarf all conspire to make me into a shapeless blob oompa-loompa’ing towards destinations. I can’t hear, I can’t be heard, I can’t grip things, and I have no peripheral vision. I take up two seats on the subway. If an SUV were to strike me right now, I would just absorb the impact and keep walking. Welcome to winter in NYC.
This is also known as the safe feeding time. I could balloon to dangerous proportions and no one would have a clue. I could be emaciated, I could be pregnant, I could be concealing a rabid monkey. Rabid monkey concealment is rampant during the winter in NY. Normally I would have months to get into decent shirtless shape, after lazy cold months filled with pasta, cookies, and chocolate.
I made a great/awful decision last month to purchase tickets to Hawaii for my midwinter break in February. They were so cheap that I couldn’t pass them up. I will really enjoy warming up, soaking in the sun, and lounging on the beach. Unfortunately, no one on the beach is going to relish seeing this flabby white body. Time to stop the stuffing, start the buffing process.
Posted by G at January 23, 2005 02:18 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.glennalicious.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/281
Comments
Damn rabid monkeys. That's the worst part of winter in New York!
Posted by: Jess at January 23, 2005 03:51 PM
Pregnant? Really? Best wishes on your road to buffiness! (Maybe you should cut down on those brewskies?) eek! (runs away)
Posted by: jase at January 24, 2005 02:22 AM
Beer is good. Beer is our friend.
You don't need to be buff if you drink enough beer.
Posted by: palochi at January 24, 2005 01:15 PM
No worries, mate. We like 'em big and white. Just in case, I've reserved two beach chairs in your name. Counting the days . . .
Posted by: Ron (Out There) at January 24, 2005 03:29 PM