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April 30, 2005
Tilt and Hurl
Six Flags was quite fun. It was Passover Day at the park, so yarmulkes were flying off of roller coasters, the big curly sideburns on Hasidic Jews were alternating between horizontal and vertical positions, and five gay boys were viewed as a serious anomaly.
I had a teacher moment when this one teenager tried to cut through the line to get to his friends at the very front. I blocked and mocked him instantly, astonishing most of the people around me. He gave some pathetic excuse while waving his cellphone, saying that his friends wanted to exit and they didn't have cellphones. I explained that the dumbest humans in the world are capable of exiting a rollercoaster on their own and that he should feel free to wait for them outside. I honestly hoped he would make a dash past me so I could have opened a can of whup on his ass.
Do not tempt the fates or a middle school teacher on break.
The lines were all short, the rollercoasters were all fun, and the food was all nightmarishly artificially good. Our last rollercoaster broke down, so we opted for those cute little teacups that seat five gay men in a crowded fashion. Our teacup was brown, as some little girls grabbed the pink one I was fancying. Once the ride started, we hauled down on the wheel, spinning that teacup until everything was blurry. I'm sure the half-hearted attempts by the little children around us were pathetic compared to the whirling vortex of gay power running our little teacup.
In about 90 seconds, I was pretty certain that if it didn't stop spinning, I was going to make a technicolor yawn all over my friends. Fortunately the ride stopped and five incredibly woozy gay boys staggered off as if under the traditional influence of alcohol. We drove home to our normal amusement park- New York City.
Posted by G at 11:14 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
April 28, 2005
Pointey Sisters
I kept having dreams last night that it started snowing at Six Flags. In the dreams, I determinedly slogged through the snow, even though my toes were freezing. Let's just say that I'll use my super powers of baldness to clear the weather if it starts getting bad. I want this day.
I am so excited. And I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
Posted by G at 08:25 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 27, 2005
BBC, Cupcakes, and Beer
Normally I wake up to NPR's news at 6:30-7:30, so it is nice to sleep until BBC. I find British news much more soothing in the morning. Even tragedies sound less stressful with a British accent.
Last night I celebrated CVCB2005 (Cupcakes, Volcano, Clue, Beer 2005) with Curtis and Hugo. We bought cupcakes made by Amy Sedaris and compared them to Whole Foods Cupcakes. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed by the Amy Sedaris cupcakes. I should say that I bought them from Joe Coffee at 8pm, so they weren't fresh, but I had built them up in my mind as incredibly delicious. I hadn't built them up to the Eucharist with Amy and David, but it was getting close. I'll stick to Billy's Cupcakes at 9th and 20th.
Hugo had taped the Discovery Channel's Supervolcano show for me. I had hoped for something as informative as their Virtual Supervolcano site, but we were disappointed. They attempted to make it into a drama with a hippie scientist, his wife, blah, blah, blah. Pretty quickly we were shouting to fast-forward to the next explosion. At the very end, Tom Brokaw tried to lend weight to a short presentation about the reality of the caldera, but he just looked like a small head attached to a big yellow body.
We switched to the movie Clue, which is one of my favorite 80's movies. Madeline Kahn's histrionic performance is one of the best ever, and it was fueled by sugar and Brooklyn Choc Stout. Beer makes everything better. I'm so excited about tomorrow.
Posted by G at 01:06 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 25, 2005
Six Fags to Six Flags
I think it coalesced around a drunken conversation Saturday night. Texas drawlers Jeremy and David, Southern Fried Curtis, and biceplicious Estonian Hugohad a lovely dinner and drinks Saturday night. Okay, so I got drunk.
It wasn't my fault. It was wicked, wicked Zoot! Some people call him Ted, but he should be renamed Tardy McTarded, as he promised us he would join us at the Phoenix by 11. He didn't actually arrive until 1:30, and many beers were mysteriously absorbed into my body during the interim. I don't recall much of the conversation, but I would hazard a guess that it wasn't terribly coherent and that I probably tried to tickle people. Needless to say, Sunday was spent huddled on the couch attempting to rehydrate.
So back to Six Flags. At some point it was unanimously agreed upon to embark this Thursday to the Flags of Six. Our car is already full, but I'm giving an open invite to join us. You haven't truly lived until you've heard me scream like a girl.
Posted by G at 07:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 21, 2005
Things I like:
First, from Orange Paper Bike: proof that straight guy wrestling can be really, really gay.
Second, sex in a different form, courtesy of RI Casey.
Third, tomorrow is the last day before spring break. I'm loading the kids up with chocolate 8th period, then unleashing them upon their parents. Nine days of no teaching!
Posted by G at 10:17 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
April 20, 2005
Kid Z and the swinging door
I have one wonderful class of kids that I usually enjoy teaching. For the most part, and for teenagers, they are a wonderful bunch of kids. They are really learning math, and I've seen some positive changes in even the worst ones. As any other teacher knows, this is the class that I love to have during an observation, or when visiting administration drops by.
I have some really boisterous boys in the class, but they're fairly manageable. Even Kid Z. Yes, he curses enough to make the families on the trashy talk shows blush. Yes, I caught him hanging from the power line conduit in the hallway on Monday, trying to yank it off the ceiling (which would have killed him via electrocution, a la Darwin Awards). Still, he makes it to school on most days, even though he lives in a shelter. At the beginning of the year, he did nothing. Now, he does about two-thirds of the work, and even recognizes what 2/3 looks like. That's an improvement. As long as I can keep him from frying himself on electrical lines, he should make it to graduation.
I was so disappointed in him today. Another teacher got him mad and he violently kicked a door. This would have been just one in a string of similar events, except the door wasn't latched. It flew open right into a little kid's face. Not good, and a perfect way to start the spring break early for him.
For the first time this year, I met his dad. Numerous calls during the year, but never a response until now. The situation was comical, because the dad looks and sounds EXACTLY like an older version of Kid Z. I was actually trying to keep from laughing because it suddenly seemed funny. I'd be angry too i I knew I would look that goofy in 15 years. Along with the English teacher, I tried to explain to the father and son about how much improvement we'd seen, but that Kid Z still had to improve his anger management.
Kid Z bursts out with "I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH FUCKING ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!"
Well. That clears THAT up. Thank you so much for the witty elucidation.
He's suspended, and his dad is infamous for doing nothing. I'm trying to get him enrolled for free at a martial arts or boxing class. I think it could be good for him. I had a violent temper when I was young, but he doesn't have the outlets like I had. He has to learn some way to deal with it, and he hasn't found a way yet.
Posted by G at 10:23 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
April 19, 2005
Der-bear
Exactly one year ago, my blog didn’t mention anything on April 18th, except a personally amusing dream sequence about the Koolaid guy and the Passion movie. I looked at it today, and I thought my joke was pretty funny. Of course, I always think my jokes are funny. I’m in a minority about the jokes, I know.
I didn’t write about a short jaunt into the city. I didn’t write about a great date in Central Park, or that I was particularly charmed by a furry-chested Canadian from a certain website. It was thesis crunch time for me, and I actually brought research to the date. At that point, it was just a really great date. Nice, but he lived WAY UP IN EGYPT or Columbia or something. Until I started seeing more of him, I couldn’t conceive of a Manhattan above 96th.
I didn’t write about him until July, even though our relationship was becoming more serious. I have this thing about admitting attraction, as that always jinxed it for me in the past. Other things seemed more important, really. First, my thesis and work, then my graduation. Mom died, and everything went haywire for me. He was there for me, and he’s been there every day since then.
Gay years are like dog years. One year in gay world is like 7 in straight world, so we've been together forever, and I've aged terribly. It’s funny, but if I don’t talk to him every day, I don’t feel complete. I’m scared shitless about moving in with him, but I’m also deep-down giggly (in a manly giggly way of course, like John Wayne on marijuana).
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I love him. Happy anniversary.
Posted by G at 12:42 AM | Comments (22) | TrackBack
April 17, 2005
Weakened plans
Yuck. I've spent the whole weekend at home, due to a gross chest cold brought on by sinuses. I had to cancel all my plans, I didn't get to cuddle with my boyfriend, and I just don't feel good.
(Cue the sympathetic noises, then firmly tell me to get on with it)
I basically lost my voice on Friday morning after a coverage of a seventh grade class, so I decided not to speak for the rest of the day. I taught all of my classes with notes on posters. One of my classes was horrible, but the other two were large sets of teenage angels. They all worked, they all were good on a Friday in the spring, and I actually would have enjoyed the non-teaching if I had felt better.
It's a lesson I've been trying to learn. I still occasionally yell, but teenagers don't really listen to yelling. Friday proved that my involvement can really just be limited to organizing well, presenting the work, and allowing the kids to learn. Many kids advised me to stay at home, drink juice, and don't come back on Monday.
I'll still go back on Monday, but maybe quietly. One week until break, by the way.
Posted by G at 11:22 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
April 16, 2005
Every gay man has a beard
Mine just happens to be on my face.
I'm shaving it off today. Now I'll have two sets of white cheeks.
Posted by G at 11:45 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
April 14, 2005
Savoring the flavor
Every time I stick it in my mouth, I have to resist the urge to swallow. Normally I don’t even have the impulse, and I spit the others right out. I know it is strange, but I love the flavor. I like the way it tingles on my tongue.
I switched to Colgate Total because it just seemed more responsible, but I forgot to buy toothpaste recently. I ransacked my bathroom and found my travel kit toothpaste from a few years ago. Putting it on my toothbrush and sticking it in my mouth was like other people’s memories of apple pie, I guess. Baking soda toothpaste is the bomb. I don’t like to stop brushing, because it’s also frothy. I’ll grimace at the mirror, pretending that I’m rabid. Grrrrr!
I’m probably the only one who finds baking soda tasty. I snuck a spoonful a few years ago straight from the box, and I thought it tasted pretty good. Of course, this is probably linked to my inability to taste moldy items, which is a bit funny, since baking soda absorbs those odors. One of these days, I’m going to attempt to make some baking soda candy. I bet I won’t have to share it with anyone.
Posted by G at 09:56 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
April 11, 2005
I'm really hung....
Check me out on Wednesday at Melanie's show at the Tribeca Grand.
Posted by G at 09:55 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
April 10, 2005
I need a new server
None of the spam blocking additions to Movable Type will work on my server, as the PERL is too old. I can't use Wordpress, as my server doesn't support Mod Rewrite. (I should mention that I have NO IDEA what this means, but I am having serious problems with my blog right now.)
Anyone with a good server recommendation will get whatever bonuses are available from that server, a slew of beers, or some other form of compensation, like installing shelves, or getting that bad outlet repaired.
Suggestions, PLEASE.
Posted by G at 02:47 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
April 09, 2005
Dog days
When she first adopted me, she was blacker than the Carlsbad Caverns, and as flinchy as a big-haired blonde in the same caverns. She had run away from someone, one of those people who is evil enough to beat a dog. My next door neighbor’s child named her Bear, as she looked like a black bear.
I didn’t want her, actually. My female neighbor wanted her, but was as incapable of raising the dog as she was raising her own child. I opted to adopt the dog rather than the child.
She’s awful with transportation, with too many wild shitting, barfing, and drooling incidences to mention. She loves to get into a car, but immediately begins drooling, followed by other expulsions from her body. Not so fun.
She farts more than I do, which is a remarkable amount of farting. They are truly noxious farts.
She hates other dogs, angrily barking and lunging at them. It is very embarrassing here in hipsterville. She loves cats. I have no idea why, but she loves cats. They’ll be tearing at her throat and she’ll just be wagging her tail. She also loves eating cat poop. I hate that.
She is also the lowest maintenance dog in the world. She’s practically narcoleptic, she’s so relaxed. She’ll come up, check up on me, and then plop down right next to me. She knows that I hate dogs licking my face, so she’ll snuffle within a quarter inch.
She ages faster than even gay years. It is really hard to think that she and I have been together for about 9 years. Her muzzle is white now, and she has these white whiskers erupting from each of her paws. She climbs the stairs to the loft bed slower every day, and her inner pup is quieting down. Originally, I didn’t want her, but now I can’t imagine my life without her.
Posted by G at 02:07 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 05, 2005
That spam boulder
Blogging has been bogged down for the last little bit. My system is not really functioning, so I’m getting hundreds of spam a day. MT Blacklist won’t work, MT Close won’t work, and I get so many! I was actually deleting them today, and got quite cranky when more were appearing as I was deleting them. It was definitely one of those Sisyphian moments, and it definitely makes blogging less fun.
Not blogging makes me cranky. All work and no play….
I have my list of things I want to write about, but I just hate dealing with my blog right now. I’ve been dying to write about my ten year anniversary, and I’m running out of time.
Posted by G at 10:44 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
April 01, 2005
Fools in April
My family doesn't celebrate many healthy holidays, but we all revere April Fool's Day.
There was the time that my father had his friend in the FAA call to my uncle, saying my father's plane had crashed somewhere in the mountains of Arizona. That was funny.
My sister's high point was when she was vacationing in Tangiers and had a friend call my father in the middle of the night in the US, stating that Debbie had been arrested by the police. She didn't know where she had been taken, why she had been taken, etc. He wasn't amused the next day, but we all thought it was funny.
I've had some okay pranks, but I'm planning a big one in the next few years. The fallout will be amazing. I was going to do it this year, but just didn't have the time.
Some families remember events like graduations, marriages, and that sort of thing. My family remembers things with titles like "the broom incident" and "the electric cattle prodder against the nuts in the shower incident."
We're fun that way.
Posted by G at 05:35 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack