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June 05, 2005

Four phone calls from family and friends, all warning me to be cool on Monday. Charming.

Guess I win the contest for being the flakiest of the family when it comes to things like this?

I can't help it. I miss her so much.

She didn't see her granddaughters graduate, or their prom, or any of their amazing futures.
She will never meet Derrick.
She won't see me teaching a group of kids actually in their seats, learning.
She will never tell me how proud she is of me again, or mail countless cards of encouragement, or give truly strange gifts, or cook me whatever I wanted.

A person is always more than the sum of their parts. She was bad, she was good, she was horrible, she was amazing. Love it or hate it, she is one of the key influences of my life.

I miss you Mom.

Posted by G at June 5, 2005 11:12 PM

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Comments

I remember your postings of last year. Understandably, your Mom's passing continues to be a journey that you must walk as well. But you appear to have a very strong hold on your emotions, and your right to have all of them. Perhaps you are now the one to tell yourself how proud she is of you. It may be the part of her that lives inside you.

Much love to you my friend.

Posted by: MzOuiser at June 6, 2005 09:07 AM

Your mom knows, moms always do! I'm sure she missing you, too! :-(

Posted by: Robert at June 6, 2005 11:48 AM

Keep in mind all the stuff she got to experience with and through you while she was here, and all the stuff she knew you were more than capable of doing after she would be gone. I'm not a big believer in the whole "looking down from heaven" thing, but there's got to be something there in a whole karmic/psychological sense. Although no relationship is perfect all of the time, you know she'd be proud of you (and the rest of your family) for all you've accomplished.

Also, thanks for putting it into a little perspective for me, too. Although mine's a complete pain in the ass, I'd miss her a lot if she wasn't around. I gotta make sure I tell her I love her when I call today.

By the way, if you ever need a little substitute mothering, I'd be happy to give you my mother's cell number. She's got more than the daily dose of maternalizing to offer up, especially since I'm an only child. Sometimes, she's oozing and overflowing with maternal behavior, which I'd be happy to share with you. And I'm almost certain after you spoke with her, I'd get the follow-up call of "why can't you be a little more like G?" Wouldn't that be precious? :-)

Posted by: palochi at June 6, 2005 12:24 PM

Your mom would have to be pretty amazing to have raised someone like you.

I would lend out my mom as well, but she'd just say stuff like, "But you're so HANDSOME! And SMART! Are you SURE you're gay? But isn't my daughter PRETTY?" Eek.

I owe you one big-ass hug next time I see you.

Posted by: Helen Damnation at June 6, 2005 05:24 PM

This post brought tears to my eyes, probably exacerbated by the fact that my own mother is now very ill. I'm thinking of you.

Posted by: Thom at June 6, 2005 07:21 PM

*hugs*

Posted by: PatCH at June 6, 2005 11:46 PM

Cool schmool. Cry.

Posted by: kayo at June 7, 2005 08:58 AM

I'm sitting here wanting to say something. I've lost a parent myself. Still....no words.

Big hug to you.

Posted by: mark at June 7, 2005 10:25 AM

The first year is always the toughest. But it gets easier, each passing year. I promise.

Posted by: J. at June 7, 2005 10:39 PM

Sorry to hear about your Mom.

Posted by: Phil James at June 9, 2005 07:24 AM

The first year is always the toughest. But it gets easier, each passing year. I promise.

Posted by: J. at June 10, 2005 12:27 AM