« Fantasy Island Sidekick | Main | Hot! »
August 10, 2005
Shaving
A few entries ago, there was some disagreement regarding the proper process for shaving.
Being a guy who shaves his head every other day for over ten years, I feel that I'm a bit of an expert. People have questioned me, but I defeated them in the Shaving Thunderdome.
Verify that you need to shave. I only shave every other day. I'm lazy and too much shaving makes your skin gross. if someone questions your 5 o'day shadow, just begin weeping or throw up. Here's my beard.
Showering must come first. Your skin should be clean and the hot water opens the pores. Some people shave in the shower, but I think that wastes a lot of water. I also think the shaving time at the mirror above the sink is a good time to reflect on the white nose hairs that are freaking me out.
I often use a basic shaving cream, but I just bought some expensive stuff. It's really great, as it doesn't lather wildly but keeps the beard wet. It probably has the same ingredients as my cheap shave, but it's like plastering dollar bills on your face.
I also bought a boar hair shaving brush. It feels amazing across my skin, and it lifts the hairs away from the skin. In case I am attacked by Bigfoot in my bathroom, I can also make snarling noises like a boar and maybe scare him away.
I use a Schick Triple Blade Xtreme 3. I like it over the Mach 3 because it flexes to shape the curve of my head and face. Beyond 3 blades just seems greedy, and the potential to shave to the skull seems likely.
I actually lather and shave my head first. I do it entirely by touch, shaving against the grain with my right hand, tracing the path with my left hand. This only takes about 2 minutes, unless I cut one of the weird spots on my head. If that happens, blood fountains out of my skull like a solar flare, scrambling cell phone reception and creating auroras in the upper atmosphere of the bathroom.
This is also a good time to fixate on my broken nose.
I shave my face separately so the lather doesn't dry out. This is the trickiest part of shaving for me, as I am constantly going too far into the beard, giving me that lopsided beard look that so many men strive to achieve. I shave against the grain first, then with the grain again.
Finally, I rinse with cold water, followed by an alcohol-free mint aftershave that makes my skin all tingly like my first date with Derrick.
That's about it. If I'm going into the sun, I always wear sunblock. If I'm going somewhere that I think might involve people rubbing my head for luck, I'll apply a little aloe. Too many rubs makes the head red.
Posted by G at August 10, 2005 07:23 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.glennalicious.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/383
Comments
This sounds a lot like my routine: after the shower, using a too-expensive shaving cream that doesn't foam up or lather much. And I'm also a big fan of the Extreme3 instead of the Mach 3 for the exact same reason that you mentioned - I think we're in the minority, though!
Posted by: Thom at August 10, 2005 09:26 PM
I'm so filing this away for future reference.
Posted by: jessie at August 10, 2005 09:27 PM
Yes, I, too, will be filing this away, for... *ahem* future reference. Yeah, future reference.
Posted by: Tin Man at August 10, 2005 11:32 PM
Best. Post. Ever.
Posted by: Jen at August 10, 2005 11:34 PM
I was almost crude enough to ask if you shave anything else.
Posted by: homer at August 11, 2005 01:03 AM
je t'aime
Posted by: bob at August 11, 2005 09:04 AM
Homer, I think we already know the answer to that. As G has pointed out, Derrick likes him hairy. I doubt there is a double-standard for south of the border. But, Homer, for future reference, never be afraid to be crude. We aren't. (Or is that just me?)
Posted by: Chris at August 11, 2005 09:38 AM
this is what teachers do in the summer???
Posted by: carla at August 11, 2005 10:03 AM
I'll definitely bookmark this post for when I have to start shaving. :)
Posted by: Alan at August 11, 2005 10:07 AM
im combining my tattoo comment and my shaving comment into one neat pkg.
i am a beast about tattoos.
tattoos are like chess.
(take this as you will since i can distill the entire universe to being either like chess or dog training)
you have to keep looking ahead.
will your new mermaid tattoo look good next to your future Tweety bird?
i get OCD about tattoos
it was 10 years between my first and second because i wanted to make sure they worked together. and now its portfolio of tatoos of unwritten language. its really cool and i could totally see you doing the smae thing with htings relating to math.
but no 'infinity' symbols please.
re: shaving post
i was starting to feel dirty looking at this.
Posted by: landry at August 11, 2005 01:08 PM
"If I'm going somewhere that I think might involve people rubbing my head for luck, I'll apply a little aloe."
How exactly does one know ahead of time if the event which one will be attending could involve this action occuring to... uh... one?
Ayup.
Best. Post. Ever. Indeed.
Posted by: palochi at August 11, 2005 02:15 PM
This is, without question, the best of Galicious. I'm tempted to shave my head, on account of how fun you make it sound (even the bleeding!) Pissterical.
Posted by: Helen at August 11, 2005 03:56 PM
I probably need to start shaving my head. I’m making a final, pathetic attempt to pretend that I still have a full head of hair.
I always wear sun block whenever I’m going to be around anything brighter than candlelight.
Posted by: Eric at August 11, 2005 04:22 PM
Dear Babyface:
Thanks for the tip about the Xtreme 3...
I tried getting a really short buzz job once with these ears I looked like a cross between Howdy Doody and a Double handled beer stien.
Cheers,
Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's
Kitchen
And I Quote Blog
Posted by: Mr H.K. at August 11, 2005 04:52 PM
Ooh, pictures of G shaving. I feel so dirty now. Must go shower.
Posted by: PatCH at August 11, 2005 05:14 PM
Well, I assume you put aloe on your head when you know you're gonna see me, then.
Hey, have you seen this thing? It's made just for noggin-shaving.
Posted by: Chris at August 11, 2005 10:49 PM
What the hell is this, Play Bear!? I have pics of me braiding my back hair if you ever start accepting submissions.
Posted by: charles at August 12, 2005 02:42 PM
the bottom picture was priceless.
Posted by: myke at August 13, 2005 12:19 AM
You're so goofy. ;)
Posted by: mark at August 15, 2005 10:59 AM
What a handsome face indeed.
Posted by: J. at August 15, 2005 02:46 PM
This one is going in the spank bank. :-)
Posted by: Brian at August 19, 2005 02:01 PM