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January 29, 2006

Plump should never describe food

Derrick and I had brunch with this charming man and his boyfriend. Both of our boyfriends go to Columbia, both of us blog, we all like traveling.

Our topics drifted and meandered, as topics should at brunch on a Saturday.

Food arrived physically and conversationally. We discussed things that we don't like to eat.

Other blogger's boyfriend: Olives are my favorite thing in the world.
Me: I hate olives more than anything else in the world. Plus cooked raisins, pickles, hominy, and popcorn. I hate olives because of the taste, which I periodically try to see if I still hate. I show my true love to my boyfriend by scooping out cups of them at Fairway, which then permeate my nostrils for the rest of the shopping.

Raw raisins are okay, as is corn. However, do not attempt to cook or modify them, as it will FREAK ME OUT. Resurrected raisins remind me of bloated ticks, and the creepy sugary burst of them in my unsuspecting mouth in the midst of eating a cookie always reminds me of this nature show I watched where this young antelope died from blood loss due to tons of ticks. Some of this association could also be from the time I discovered HALF a cockroach in a cookie, or when my sisters used to chase me around the house with olives on their fingers until I puked, or, well, having to ever eat hominy.

I don't like hominy, but I'm okay with grits. Olive oil is fine, as long as the flavor isn't too strong. Cucumbers are fine, just don't soak them in brine and pickling stuff.

And please, always warn me if what I think is chocolate chip is actually raisin (or cockroach).

Posted by G at January 29, 2006 03:07 PM

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Comments

I "made" my own hominy once time when I tried to cook posole entirely from scratch.

You make a caustic alkaline solution of calcium hydroxide and water and then soak these gigantic white kernels of corn in it until they soften up. Then you rub the kernels between your fingers until the hulls come off. I was terrified that I was going to burn my fingers to the bone.

It worked, but next time I'm just going to get the canned stuff.

It's hard to imagine someone hating hominy ... Tastes pretty bland to me. :)

Posted by: Aaron at January 29, 2006 04:53 PM

Amen on raisins in cookies. Ew.

Posted by: Jeff at January 29, 2006 05:13 PM

i dispise 'nature's candy'.. but I can't help myself in the presence of a plump shrimp cocktail. ;)

Posted by: jase at January 29, 2006 11:11 PM

lol. very funny post. i love all those items you hate. i'm curious, do you like grapes? wouldn't that be the analog to a bloated tick? i would think raisins would be anorexic ticks, and boiled raisins (as in a chutney,mmmmmmm!) would just be wet anorexic ticks (or waterlogged geriatric ticks!), but the actual globulous, tight-skinned grape--that's the bloated tick ("pop!")... and corn, omg, on the cob, off the cob, whole kernel, mashed, popped, boiled, grilled, roasted, ground---chips, tortillas, grits, hominy, i love corn in any shape which will fit into my mouth... mmmm... as good, or better than raisins and corn are PICKLES, wow, hallelujah for pickles, sweet, dill, kosher, garlic, omg... mmmm... and better than all three of these... The Olive. Plain, stuffed, pickled, raw, oil cured, mashed, tapenade, any way and every way one can possibly prepare or eat an olive... is Heaven. Can you eat onions? brussel sprouts? green peas? garlic? red peppers? i'm fascinated by this, the first person i've learned does not like popcorn. Maybe i've known others, but it never came up. fascinating.

Posted by: Spencer at January 29, 2006 11:56 PM

Just the title alone has had me giggling for hours...!!

Posted by: Chris at January 30, 2006 10:55 AM

I don't know why the big fuss. I love boiled ticks fresh off the antelope.

Posted by: PatCH at January 30, 2006 03:05 PM

I, too, get nauseous at the sight and smell of olives, but don't mind olive oil at all. Cooked raisins don't bug me, but I was reminded of taking a boyfriend out for Indian food once who was horrified to discover a fried banana in the appetizer platter.

Posted by: Andy at January 30, 2006 03:57 PM

I thought I was the only one who was freaked out by reanimated grapes!

I don't feel so alone in the world anymore.

Posted by: God of Biscuits at January 30, 2006 05:23 PM

i'm happy to read you at least tolerate grits.

Posted by: myke at January 30, 2006 10:38 PM

Oh, good! I ain't alone! I hate olives and pickles as well! Don't mind raisins tho. I also hate raw tomatoes! ICK!

Posted by: Lee at January 31, 2006 12:15 AM

Your restrictions are minor compared to those of my partner who announced on our first date, twenty-three years ago, that he ate nothing from the ocean, and never any mushrooms. I had made a chicken Marseilles for dinner that night. I had to bring it back to the kitchen and remove every bit of mushroom and scrape off the sauce before he would even look at it. Kids.
What is a hominy? Is it a grit? What is a grit? Can we get one at Balducci?

Posted by: farmboyz at January 31, 2006 07:34 AM

I love olives of any variety, pickles in any brine, raisins cooked in muffins, bagels, cookies.

However if I had to eat a chickpea, I don't think I would ever stop throwing up. Ditto: lima beans.

Posted by: Joe.My.God. at January 31, 2006 11:41 AM

My boyfriend forces me to eat pretty much all weird foods (snails, crayfish, mussels -- which I think are weird, being from Ohio), and with feigned gusto.

Have you ever eaten actual insects? Intentionally? I wonder if raisins resembling ticks would be so gross to you if you had eaten roasted grasshoppers or something.

Posted by: Eric at January 31, 2006 12:19 PM

My father likes hominy out of a can. It always makes me sick to think about it!

Posted by: Mr. HK at February 1, 2006 07:04 AM

You boys are soooo squeamish!

I eat everything. I mean, just look at me.

Oh, yeah....I forgot tripe. Won't eat that! But that's about it. Wait...I'm not so fond of sweet potatoes either...there, I'm done.

Posted by: Mark at February 2, 2006 12:12 PM

I'm with you on raisins. Raw is fine...cooked is icky. But olives?? If it weren't for olives in my martinis, I wouldn't eat any green vegetables at all.

As a midwesterner, I never learned to like any kind of fish or seafood. I guess I'm missing out on an entire world of culinary surprises, but I just can't bear to eat something that is essentially just a water-lovin' bug. Blech.

Posted by: Alan at February 2, 2006 01:51 PM

I HATE RAISINS. Which makes zero sense, since I love grapes and I'll happily eat most other dried fruit.

Posted by: Mush at February 8, 2006 10:35 AM