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February 07, 2006
Working for the weekend
I went to the gym today for the first time in over two years. To say it was intimidating would be an understatement. I feel like the boy raised by wolves in there. All of the cycles have little televisions with CNN, machines have elaborate graphs on how to contort your bodies, and New Yorkers are incredibly intense. Even drinking water is done with this tightly wound action, not just a sip, but this power jab into the mouth, a bit like a whale feeding its calf. I felt like a total dolt, flabby, and clumsy. Just like pools have steps that lead you into the water, I would have liked a simplified area that was cordoned off for idiots like me. Once I got rid of my exercise waterwings, I could swim with the big boys.
I figure that by doing this until Friday, I'll be all buffed up for Joe's brillliant blarg hop on Saturday night. With a super high-tech gym, shouldn't perfect abs be just days away?
I'm actually quite worried about Blarg Hop 2006. Why?
1) I'm quite the alcohol lightweight. One beer at every bar makes for 8 beers. I'm under the table at 5 beers.
2) I'm rarely nervous, but I'm meeting some people whose writing skills dwarf my own. If I'm really nervous, I'll drink a beer quickly. I'll then blurt out something stupid, or curtsy, or something.
3) I have never gone into quite a few of the bars, and in fact didn't know some of them existed. However, Boots and Saddles might make me belligerent, as it is both bar/beer #5 and will have faux cowboys out the wazoo. I don't like faux cowboys, and what if they have a rodeo clown? Nobody wants to see me wrestle down a rodeo clown in a bar, smearing its evil makeup into the questionable murk on the floor of a gay bar.
4) At least Mark won't be there, as he has a skill for taking compromising pics, and he hasn't taken a pic of my dick, yet. Not that there's anything wrong with that....
Posted by G at February 7, 2006 08:58 PM
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.. through the blogosphere is where I'll head to in a minute or two but first I thought I'd introduce you to a new man that I could easily find myself fawning over were I ever to meet him in person. Hell, he's clearly fawnable from a jpeg alone. I w... [Read More]
Tracked on February 8, 2006 09:56 PM
Comments
Nine, sweetie. It's nine bars.
Posted by: Joe.My.God. at February 8, 2006 09:56 AM
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'd pay good money to see you wrestle a rodeo clown in a gay bar.
Posted by: Helen at February 8, 2006 10:05 AM
Nine, sweetie. It's nine bars.
Posted by: Joe.My.God. at February 8, 2006 10:11 AM
At least you get to go in the first place. I live in a town that only HAS THREE BARS. And they're all filled with rednecks. Think Deliverance. You, on the other hand, get to go bar hoppin' in excitin' New Yawk Citee with a bunch of adorable boys.
Just do something hideously silly and embarassing right now and get it over with. ;-)
Posted by: Mush at February 8, 2006 10:31 AM
Remember, smile and say the line "Why, 5 beer and I'm under the host."
And as for pictures of your dick... let's let your readers decide. Take a few, post a few, we'll pick the best.
OR BETTER YET... Take pics of ALL the blogger's dicks, post them and we'll try to match the name with the member. What fun!!!!
Posted by: Jim at February 8, 2006 05:41 PM
Goodness. I didn't know we had to look good at the blarg hop. We're just back from Fort Lauderdale. We are tired and wrinkled and peeling and bloated. I suppose we could just introduce ourselves as Andrew Sullivan.
Also, only a complete fool would down nine drinks in the company of those NYC bloggers on an anthropological tour. Water is the better currency. Take it from one who tried to keep up with Joe on the Proto-Blarg-Hop, and failed.
Looking forward to meeting you.
Posted by: farmboyz at February 8, 2006 11:26 PM
Thank you Joe. Nine bars. And you would think G could count with single-digit numbers. He is a math teacher after all.
Posted by: chris at February 9, 2006 11:24 AM
Awesome! Andrew Sullivan is coming! Gilicious I look forward to meeting you. Bryce and I will teach you the joys of Makers on the rocks.
Posted by: Gayest Neil at February 9, 2006 04:59 PM
Personally, I'd like to see you curtsy.
Posted by: Michael at February 10, 2006 01:00 PM
I'd pay money to see anybody wrastle a rodeo clown.
Posted by: Big Dan at February 10, 2006 03:57 PM