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March 12, 2006
The weather
What an absolutely crazy sunny fantastic Saturday. It never dawns on me how desperately I crave sunny days until one finally rises over the horizon. I had a great breakfast with Sam and Frank, hung out with the boyfriend, and then went shopping in the afternoon with Curtis. The entire time my exposed skin was frantically synthesizing vitamin D.
And now a post that is just like this rainy day.
The weekends help since my school is imploding. Every day our building is swarming with cops and security, yet it just keeps getting worse. All of our teachers lock their doors so children won't swarm in and wreck the room. We've had teachers assaulted every week, we only had our fire drill plan given to us after 105 days in school, and our fire alarms are triggered 5-15 times a day. Kids regularly roam the halls, and our attendance rate rarely exceeds 80 percent. For our mandated state English exams, we were unable to meet the required 95 percent.
Our kids are not the problem. Our kids are identical to the students at any of the neighboring schools that are functioning at a much higher level than our school. Many of our kids enter our school at the correct grade level, but then slide precipitously downwards. Yes, we are the dumping ground for our region, forced because of our SURR status to accept any kids kicked out of other schools. However, my old school was under similar constraints yet managed to function better.
The difference? My old school had a slightly more experienced staff, and a better administrator. Of the 17 teachers of math in my school, only 3 have more than two years experience. Our principal comes from the prison system, has no real educational experience, is only semi-literate, lies constantly, and hates teachers. He and I have been fighting over funding the math department, over providing lunches to teachers when they are forced to train during their preps (I've had to spend $400 of my own money to buy them lunch), and coverages. He actually told me that teachers are overpaid, that they really don't do any work, and that they should be grateful that they get additional training, rather than greedily asking for lunch or extra pay.
Our school is so divided and demoralized, and the administration has lost track of any goals. They obsess over details like updated bulletin boards when students are ripping everything down, plus my principal is under that lunatic idea that the union is totally at fault in our school. We have a small number of bad teachers at our school, and the rest are inexperienced. This principal feels that threats and intimidation are the ways to manage the school, and it shows. Teachers come to me having nervous breakdowns because he is threatening them. He is opposed by every group, including his own office staff, the aides, and security.
I had a fun moment last week because I had a fight with this woman who works in my room. My school is under review because of math, and I've pretty much single-handedly fixed huge chunks of it. I don't think our students' understanding of math will improve this year, but I've set a lot of things in place to make next year better. However, this woman has accused me of not doing my job. In a normal school, I'm supposed to happily sit down with teachers on their free periods, then go into their rooms and teach lessons with them. In my school, I am the copy girl, the purchasing agent, the shipping receiver (I'm forced to move literally tons of boxes up three/four flights of stairs), and the test coordinator. My principal volunteered me to redo the schedule for all the teachers within the next three weeks, plus the region selected me as one of the five trainers for the math scoring.
What made me cranky about her accusation is that it is basically true, but also impossible to fulfill. When I walk into the building, I get busy and it doesn't stop until I leave. I do spend a lot of time with my teachers, helping them plan lessons, find materials, and organize their rooms. This woman in my room is one of THREE people entirely focused on the literacy program, while I am a team of one. She is also supposed to help on math, but as she said (and everyone knows I love this), "I don't do math."
So allow me to let you in on a little secret. I'm done. My resume is ready, I'm contacting high schools in the area that are higher performance schools, and I will leave. I won't leave my school in the lurch, but I also won't let it rule my life the way it has.
I don't know what the real answer is. I'm not happy with my decision. I question how my last year was spent. Everything I do in this school just vanishes into a black hole. Whether I leave or stay, the school will fall apart. This school will continue to not function, regardless of the region's involvement, the money thrown at it, or the heroic efforts of many teachers. The region will probably close down the school, phasing it out over the next few years.
I will move on to a school that isn't perfect. I don't like perfect schools, and I like a challenge. However, I also know when there is no saving a school. It is time to walk away.
Posted by G at March 12, 2006 11:54 AM
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Comments
I'm in a similar situation, although not as dire as yours. My school's attendance rate is 70% at best and those that show up roam the halls instead of going to classes.
I think you are making a good decision and I will be making the same one.
Posted by: J. at March 12, 2006 03:29 PM
Good for you. I know that must have been a difficult decision for you, but it's obviously the right one. Given the conditions of that school, I don't even know how I'd get up in the morning to face going in. When you bend over backwards for people and go way above and beyond the call of duty and only receive criticism in exchange, it's time to find another spot.
Posted by: Andy at March 12, 2006 05:21 PM
My boyfriend wants to talk to you about some potential opportunities at his school.
Posted by: Joephet at March 12, 2006 11:57 PM
G,
You've made the right decision. Administrators who do not understand the process do not help anyone - teachers OR students. And if they constantly work against you, they never will understand (and I've lived throught a couple of those in the past) and the situation will only get worse. Your talents and expertise are better suited elsewhere, so find a better place to do the incredible work that you are capable of.
Posted by: Paul at March 13, 2006 08:35 AM
I'm so happy to hear that, G. You need to bring your skills and commitment somewhere that they're appreciated. Plus, there's the whole question of your personal safety....
Good decision, cowboy!
Posted by: jeff at March 13, 2006 11:13 AM
Run. Do not walk, run. You're far too intelligent and resourceful to put up with this crap. You're trying too hard to function as the sense of reason in a land of anarchy. Any company I've ever worked for that ran the way that school is running didn't stay in business for long. And, any leader, whether in Corporate America or the educational system, who manages through intimidation, threat and critical indifference should not be in a leadership position. The ship isn't just sinking here, it's under barrage by its own captain.
I think back to less than a year ago when we were in a cab in NYC and how excited you were interviewing for this opportunity. I remember walking with you through that educational toy store in Andersonville last summer and seeing how inspired you were by all the different things in stock, and talking about how you could use them to bring new ways of understanding concepts to your kids. I personally don't know what it takes to be good a teacher, but I do know what it's like to see one who's self-empowered himself to actively educate and inspire his students.
Do NOT let the bastards get you down. Find the place you need to be, thrive and inspire.
Posted by: palochi at March 13, 2006 12:06 PM
Oh Glen, that post is just too painful to read.
They are hiring like crazy in Honolulu. And every day is "vitimin D" day. The really REALLY bad students whip their teachers with leis and sometimes skip hula class. But that's about as bad as they get.
Posted by: Ron (Out There) at March 13, 2006 04:02 PM
I believe you're making the only decision possible in this situation. You're trapped between warring factions - like a cute Switzerland!
The sooner you can move on, the sooner you can be happy.
Find a nice school - charter or private - where the kids just can't wait to learn how to do cubic spline iterpolations (do kids still do those?)
Someplace where the parents are keen that their children will be able to prosper in the world instead of just, maybe survive.
Posted by: Jim (The Canuck One) at March 13, 2006 05:45 PM
You've done what you could, it looks like it is time to go where you are really needed.
Posted by: homer at March 13, 2006 08:51 PM
I think you've made the right decision also. Best of luck with your next school.
Posted by: mike at March 13, 2006 10:21 PM
Best wishes with the search. There comes a point when a reasonable man can critically assess their situation and recognize that their talents could be better utilized elsewhere.
Posted by: yomister at March 14, 2006 08:34 PM
Frightening. Depressing. Your leaving is understandable.
Posted by: farmboyz at March 14, 2006 10:20 PM
Come see the paradise at my school! ;-)
Posted by: Cohort 6 Fellow at March 14, 2006 10:41 PM
You're not the captain, you don't have to go down with the ship. I admire you for trying in the first place.
Pouring your soul into a black hole is hard, and painful, and you've done good.
Posted by: goblinbox at March 15, 2006 03:16 PM
This is good news--the break, of course, not the school.
Posted by: Randy McDonald at March 16, 2006 12:09 AM
MY two thirty-something-gay-male-math-teachers
here in Philly endure very similar tribulations.
It seems you've found your solution.
Good luck. xoe
Posted by: circleinasquare at March 16, 2006 02:39 PM
G, I admire your courage in teaching where you do. I really hear that you'd rather be there in a situation that is "going" somewhere than abandon it.
I think it's always good to keep our options open. Getting resume stuff together is always good.
A friend once gave me this quote:
If the rewards are clear, but the call is vague, watch out, the devil is lurking. If the rewards are vague, but the call is clear, watch out; the Spirit is stalking.
May you be so stalked and discern your best path.
I want you to know that i could never sit (still) through you math class. You are TOO fucking hot, if I may be so bold as to say.
CHeers, Joe.
Posted by: Joe at March 17, 2006 01:37 PM