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June 20, 2006
I might just kill for some decent pizza
It was already a long day. The school is hotter than a convection oven, the kids are done, and everyone is on a short fuse. I was really looking forward to getting some decent pizza when I got home.
Oops. I live in Harlem! It is not possible to get good pizza in Harlem. The places close to our apartment just don't have good pizza. I just tried a pizza place on Broadway for delivery. Here's my five minute phone conversation call tonight:
Glenn: Hi. Do you deliver to Blank Street and Blank Place?
Deaf idiot pizza person: What?
Glenn: I live at Blank Street and Blank Place. Do you deliver?
Deaf idiot pizza person: What?
Glenn: (mentally bludgeoning man with phone, shoving phone through man's ass up to his inner ear canal to improve his hearing) I want to order a pizza. Do you deliver to Blank Place?
Deaf idiot pizza person: Yes. You want pizza?
Glenn: Yes! I want two pizzas. You have a garlic pizza on the menu. Is it garlic AND cheese?
Deaf idiot pizza person: What? You want a garlic pizza?
Glenn: No, WHAT ELSE is on the garlic pizza?
Deaf idiot pizza person: You want a garlic pizza?
Glenn: (grinding teeth, feeling rage building) Yes. Yes, I want a medium garlic pizza, a medium cheese pizza, and an order of garlic knots.
Deaf idiot pizza person: You want two cheese pizzas?
Glenn: (shouting into phone, reliving old sketch comedy of ordering large orange drink) No! I want ONE cheese pizza, ONE garlic pizza, and ONE order of garlic knots!
Deaf idiot pizza person: You want cheese on the garlic pizza?
Glenn: (barely restraining a shriek) Yes, I want cheese on the garlic pizza.
Deaf idiot pizza person: Okay, okay, we'll see you soon....
Glenn: Wait! You need my address!
Deaf idiot pizza person: Oh yeah! What's the address?
Glenn: Gives address.
Deaf idiot pizza person: Repeats totally wrong address.
Glenn: Gives address, spelling out, so clearly enunciating that even Helen Keller would have understood.
Deaf idiot pizza person: Totally wrong address, again.
Glenn: Okay. Here is my address again. Breaks down number.
Deaf idiot pizza person: Okay, okay, right. Got it. We'll get it to you.
Glenn: Are you sure you have it right?
Deaf idiot pizza person: Blurgy bumblyglurble.
It arrived after an hour. It was actually good. Now I just have to figure out how to make ordering easier.
Posted by G at June 20, 2006 06:15 PM
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Comments
you should find a place where you can order online, but i wouldn't ask that same guy if they have a website.
Posted by: kelli at June 21, 2006 12:59 AM
Oh man, you are a freaking saint. I have a zero-tolerance policy for crap like that. I've have hung up after the second "What?" and eaten (gag) KD and hot dogs instead.
Yes, the second. After the first "What?" I'd have decided he'd forgotten that one says "Pardon?" or "I'm sorry?" and decided to give him a chance to fix hus error.
Posted by: Jim (The Canuck One) at June 21, 2006 05:21 AM
Wow. As hard as that was, it might be easier to buy a commercial pizza oven and start making your own!
Posted by: Jess at June 21, 2006 07:28 AM
All that work for New York pizza? Pitty they don't make good pizza in NYC. :)
Posted by: Alan at June 21, 2006 09:33 AM
I'd suggest a couple of solid bonghits before placing the call next time.
Posted by: Helen at June 21, 2006 11:29 AM
Zod, you could've flown to Chicago and had pizza here by the time that insanity ended.
Posted by: palochi at June 21, 2006 02:49 PM
Patsy's Pizza on First Aveneue and 118th Street, best pizza in the City!!
Posted by: keith at June 21, 2006 03:56 PM
Wow- you are amazingly patient- a much needed quality in a teacher. I am ashamed to say that I have no tolerance for having to repeat information when ordering or talking on the phone. In the classroom I am slightly more patient, but outside of that if there is a huge language or huge accent barrier that prevents understanding I immediately tune out and walk away. I am a terrible person who's going straight to hell...considering I have an accent too. Glad the pizza was worth it! Blog on:)
Posted by: aphrikandreema at June 22, 2006 01:59 AM
You have the Patience of a Saint.
But why not just leave the apartment, take the subway to the Pizza place, pick it up, and bring it back. Sure, it'll be cold, but at least your stress levels will be down 8)
And I know what you mean: Stayed near City College last month, and a slab of half-raw dough with smears of red goo and still partially solid cheese is not a Pizza.
Posted by: Derek at June 22, 2006 05:21 AM
Most of what passes for a good pie is ketchup atop cardboard. In NYC or anywhere.
Make it yerself, or you're almost guaranteed for it to be a letdown. Just sayin' is all...
S!
Posted by: Sean. Spelled the Right Way. at June 22, 2006 03:17 PM
In the course of ordering pizza with my gaming group, we've come to the conclusion that Domino's uses a random number generator to seed its prices.
Posted by: Randy McDonald at June 23, 2006 11:00 AM
I moved to Philly and now I've got the same problem - only it's with Chinese food. They've got my number on caller I.D. and I always get the same thing. And they fuck it up every time.
"Pork-fried rice, no vegetables, just the pork and the rice."
Shows up with veggies AND onions, which I hate.
"Sesame peanut noodles, no greens on top, just the -- "
"Yes, yes, we know sir. Just noodles and sauce."
"Thank you".
Shows up with all kinds of stuff on top.
Ai yi yi.
Posted by: wilde at June 25, 2006 11:46 AM
Now, I'm craving some brick oven pizza or something... I'll have it after Wednesday to celebrate the end of you-know-what!...
Posted by: Mr. HK at June 25, 2006 04:17 PM
hahah.. at least the pizza was good.
Posted by: Kari at June 26, 2006 04:06 PM