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December 20, 2006

Jealous

Stuck on the subway tonight, bad evening of lost keys, fruitless search for work 'secret santa' gift, trapped with a million other people, standing room only. Hell.

I watched a baby in a pram, blissfully sleeping.

I wish I had been a baby in NYC, rocked to sleep by the subway, lulled by the DC motors, woken to the view of skyscrapers, fed a bowl of Times crossword puzzles.

I wish I had been a kid, surrounded by world class museums, libraries larger than our football stadium, and $2 transportation to neighborhoods created from other countries.

I wish I had been some young hipster, unconscious of my own nerdiness and alienation, not realizing I was on a blue island in a red sea.

Of course, I would have no idea what stars look like, I would never have learned to drive, and I would not be a mechanic/carpenter god.

How would I be different? How much of me would still be the same?

Posted by G at December 20, 2006 11:13 PM

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Comments

I wish I was still able to poop my pants 'n' have someone change it for me, but noooo, 17 is just too old to not be able to change my own pants.

Pfeh...

Posted by: Doug at December 21, 2006 01:06 AM

All that happened to me. And, well, it's life. I don't wish that I hadn't had those experiences, but I can tell you straight off that you don't notice anything special about them until they're in the distant past. And then you want to enjoy them, but they're gone.

Youth is youth. It's wasted on the young for a reason.

Posted by: Mike B. at December 21, 2006 03:52 AM

Ah, the ever-present "Could I have been anyone other than me?" dilemma. Speculation, my dear G, is a fool's game.

Speaking of fools, drinks on Friday night? Rex and I will be out and about. We'd love some company.

Posted by: Stephen J. Xanthos at December 21, 2006 10:12 AM

We don't have much say in our childhood, but we do have a great deal of say about our adulthood, more than we'd like to acknowledge. You weren't born in New York, but you're there now, and that's what is important! (Keeping in the theme of the post...I wish I had a hot math teacher like you!)

Posted by: MikeProv1 at December 21, 2006 10:23 AM

Well, for one thing, growing up with all of those sights and sounds may have made you immune to them. Would you have appreciated them the same? Who knows.

Posted by: one3y3 at December 21, 2006 07:07 PM

Our little JD is not talking yet (he's 5 months old), but if we keep in touch you can feel free to ask him in the future how he feels about growing up in Manhattan. I hope he won't say he hates having a tiny bedroom and being the only white Jewish kid in his school! (Of course, we may move him into the bigger bedroom which is currently our office/guest room, and I don't know what school or program he'll be in, but those are 2 potential downsides I see.) He does, however, sleep peacefully on the subway, though usually in a wrap /carrier thingie, not a stroller.

I grew up in a suburb, hubby in a small university town, and we've chosen to make our adult home here. Maybe JD will wind up longing for a yard and driveway and wind up in the sort of place that his mommy and daddy left. Who knows!

Posted by: cohort 6 fellow at December 21, 2006 10:35 PM

All I can say is that I'm trying to reach the point where I'm not blaming myself for not being that fortunate person.

Posted by: Randy McDonald at December 22, 2006 12:16 AM

I was trying to get you to come and have free drinks at my office holiday party (near where you were). oh well...

Posted by: jwp at December 22, 2006 12:17 PM

How ever it happened, you're perfect!

Merry Christmas, G...

And...Be well...!

Posted by: Mr. H.K. at December 22, 2006 04:51 PM

I am so grateful that I had a backyard and a park across the street (you know, with GRASS) and I could ride my bike around the quiet, clean, safe streets of my neighborhood. I am so grateful that I didn't grow up with parents who treated me like this year's must-have accessory to show off to other yuppies in line at Magnolia Bakery.

Posted by: Andy at December 25, 2006 09:33 AM

the only thing i wish is that i could suck my own cock so i don't have to have a boyfriend.

Posted by: no milk at December 26, 2006 09:12 AM

I had to comment on this though it's late.

OMG - your post totally describes me, including the driving handicap and not seeing the stars till I was 10 years old!

Posted by: atari_age at January 1, 2007 10:15 PM

I hear you, loud and clear. But just think: If you had grown up in the city, you might not appreciate its beauty the way you do now.

Posted by: Jen at January 4, 2007 11:33 PM