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May 25, 2007
Dicks terrified of dicks bigger than their own
I woke up this morning with a cringe, as I heard in the news the name of my Texas town where I own property.
Lubbock, Texas. Bless my stupid decision to own property. Same town that threatened the Dixie Chicks, same town that arrested Chippendales dancers for kissing women on the cheek, and the same town that Bush keeps things simple for in his speeches.
Believe me, hearing "Lubbock" in the news is never a good thing.
Lubbock is in the news because they just arrested a female clerk at a sex toy store for selling obscenities, because Lubbock views dildoes as obscenities. There is an old law that provides that possessing more than six dildoes constitutes an obscenity, and this poor woman will face trial, and if convicted, will be a sex offender.
The owner of the store said that there is a huge demand for sexual pleasure devices in Lubbock (I wonder why, Mr. Mr. Possibly Compensating Sheriff and District Attorney), and the district attorney in Lubbock sidesteps his responsibility saying it is the job of the legislature to change the laws. If his job is to prosecute offenders of laws, then his office should also be arresting any families with the Encyclopedia Brittanica (outlawed because it has a formula for making beer), any construction workers with wire cutters in their pocket, and any people within the limits who are taking more than 3 sips of beer can be arrested. Since Lubbock is a dry county, he should probably arrest EVERY person coming back from the alcohol strip outside of town, as it is illegal to drive within arms' length of alcohol, including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
Idiots.
Posted by G at May 25, 2007 07:40 AM
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Comments
Dildos are bad, mmkay??
Posted by: Allen at May 25, 2007 12:43 PM
I think you should go home, where the heart is, back to Lubbock for the holiday weekend.
Bring a big, giant unwashed dildo with you and see what happens.
Posted by: jimbo at May 25, 2007 01:07 PM
Wow. And I thought MY hometown was backwards-idiotic. Richmond VA is a larger town, but they did come close to passing an ordinance making it illegal to wear your pants low enough that any part of your underwear could be visible. And it is still techinically illegal for a man walking down the sidewalk with a woman to walk on the inside (farther from the street). And basically anything remotely fun is automatically ruled illegal because there fun still equals ETERNITY IN HELL. Oh and Virginia IS the home of Pat Robertson and the bitch formerly known as Jerry Falwell. But at least the Richmond govt glorifies drinking!
Posted by: cscfon at May 25, 2007 02:51 PM
Perhaps it's time to sell.
Love your blog, oh great math one.
Cheers, Joe.
Posted by: Joe at May 25, 2007 03:42 PM
Sell the Lubbock property. Then buy a nice condo somewhere gay and sex friendly.
Posted by: Mike at May 25, 2007 06:33 PM
I think you should keep the property, because that will atleast incrementally raise the average dick size.
Posted by: Tony R at May 26, 2007 10:35 AM
...and as the Dixie Chicks sing, "Lubbock or Leave It". I'd opt for the latter.
Posted by: Blobby at May 26, 2007 05:12 PM
Geez. I'm glad I'm out of there. Did your property value go up with all the new construction in the area? There are lots of new apartments/condos right in the old Tech Ghetto area.
Posted by: James at May 27, 2007 11:37 AM
So, since I only own three dildoes, I'm okay then, right?
Posted by: Andy at May 28, 2007 12:40 PM
Really awful! Same thing, I just got back from my niece's gradutation in Georgia, and there was a story about how this lady got arrested for having a "sex toy party." They're kind of like tupperware parties except they sell sex toys. Some church women heard about it, and had the cops go to this ladys house. Both women (the owner of the house and the sex toy lady) got arrested.
I feel so proud to live in NYC and be able to walk into any shop on 8th avenue and buy a butt plug if I so desire!
Posted by: Patrick at May 29, 2007 10:10 AM
What possessed you to buy in Lubbock? Lord. There are several cities in TX w/very similar laws on the books. Believe it or not, Houston included however, they don't enforce it anymore. Sadly, Lubbock is still very much in red.
Posted by: moby at June 7, 2007 06:49 PM