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May 08, 2007
Meet the crazy teacher with the hidden time machine
This time of year is great. It's the time of my amazing 'back of the math classroom' time machine. It looks just like a variegated philodendron plant, but it is just a clever force field. It's a time machine that requires some sun and occasional watering.
Some students wake up after being little non-angels all year, failing every marking period, never doing any work, putting forth their best effort at disrupting every class. It is the beginning of the FINAL marking period. They come to me and ask what they can do to pass my class. I wish I could point at the cleverly concealed time machine in the corner and tell them to go back in time to talk to their fall semester selves. Maybe they could have a conversation with their past selves about the following topics:
* when the teacher sat down with you the first marking period that you failed (or even in the first week of school), and gave you a series of 3 easy things to pass the class, maybe you could do those three things- take organized notes, come to tutoring, and turn in the homework.
* stop talking, take notes since the teacher's tests are open notebook tests
* when the teacher goes over the homework the next day, even giving out blank copies, stop talking long enough to even mindlessly fill in the blanks
* when the teacher offered free after school tutoring over 50 times, maybe attend at least one, as each one counted as extra credit.
* when the teacher tells you that 10 points of each marking period grade are just for the table of contents and vocabulary of your notebook, maybe spend 2 minutes less talking in class, write the entries. Just two minutes.
* when the teacher recognized that you had other talents (music, writing, art) and offered optional extra work that would offset tests, maybe you should do those things.
I am totally willing to change the space-time continuum, altering our current trajectory, just so you can pass the class. But please, please, don't ask me what you can do in the final marking period. It just isn't going to happen.
Posted by G at May 8, 2007 09:21 PM
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Comments
If my teacher had a time machine, they would be the 'cool' teacher. :P
Posted by: jase at May 8, 2007 11:12 PM
You sound like an amazing teacher...wish I could have been lucky enough to have someone like you as a teacher.
Posted by: Patrick at May 9, 2007 11:03 AM
Can I use your special time machine to analyze why I decided to take calculus in college, knowing full well that I'd never pass it?
I ended up withdrawing shortly after midterms.
Posted by: Stash at May 9, 2007 12:05 PM
A rough lesson but at least they're learning it early. At least, I HOPE they're learning it early. A small number will invariable mutter "@#&@!#* teacher wouldn't help me pass" to any suckers that will listen.
Posted by: Jim (The Canuck One) at May 9, 2007 06:34 PM
sadly to them, it's still all your fault and not their's. good for you in saying, "it's just not going to happen."
i had little sympathy for them. i made every effort to keep them and their parents aware of everything that was missing, incomplete or just plain wrong. I would even give them bi-weekly printouts of missing and incomplete work. for some it made a difference in a mad dash the last week of the marking period to get it all done. i never gave full credit though. i only told them that if they had a job and didn't do it, they would be fired.
Posted by: Mike/ at May 9, 2007 10:34 PM
you do sound like an amazing teacher. im in the mood for a mentor.
what grade do you teach?
Posted by: chris at May 10, 2007 11:00 AM
Well put!
I may just print copies of this and start passing it out. It'll save me some breath...
Posted by: Thom at May 10, 2007 10:25 PM
With all my repeater classes, I'm not even getting the usual third-marking-period surge in attendance . . . and of course one can NEVER tell a student it's impossible for them to pass, even when it clearly is. I have had 3 new-mom students put into my classes this past week, all allegedly ready to resume their educations after having given birth; not quite sure what to do with them.
One teacher told me that because no separate 3rd marking period grade shows up, just the final grade appears as the third one, that some students seem to think that the 3rd marking period really is the only one that counts. Having tried to explain multiple times to my HS students that 25% is not the same as 25 points, I'm about willing to believe that they believe anything.
I even tell students that if they just show up and do the work, even if they do the work badly, they will probably pass. Every marking period I sprinkle my magic grading fairy dust over my spreadsheets to help some kids. And after my first semester of teaching, I decided that if giving a particular kid a failing grade is going to give me a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, I should just give the 65.
And still my pass rate for the second marking period was 15%!!!!
Posted by: cohort 6 fellow at May 12, 2007 11:09 PM