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August 30, 2007
Pocket Knives
I'm from the Southwest. I carry a Swiss Army knife. If you grew up the way I did, you just had one. My dad had a basic knife with a pearl handle, and he did everything from cleaning under his nails to cutting PVC pipe. When I left for Peace Corps, he bought me a really good pocket knife with just enough doodads, and I used it all the time. A few years ago, Derrick bought me a newer one, and again, I use it all the time.
Need a bottle opened? Done.
My friend Holly needed her car's diagnostic codes. I used the little pliers to strip the wires and fashion a link.
Cut open boxes? Done.
Perform an emergency tracheotomy? Get me a pen tube, and we're in business.
When you're a teacher, it is a bad thing to carry a knife. Apparently the public is worried that I'll go crazy, maybe use the pliers to hitch up a kid's low-hanging jeans. This summer has been such a wonderful vacation for me, I became accustomed to always carrying it. This morning, I remembered to remove it from my keychain. When I put it on the shelf, it was clear the summer was over and I'm back to work.
I know that tomorrow there will be an emergency requiring a screwdriver, a pair of tweezers, and a three inch blade.
Posted by G at 09:41 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
August 28, 2007
Derrick and I went somewhere for his birthday
School starts back on this Thursday, even though I'm not assigned to just one school. Rather than work at a school that was just listed as one of the top 50 in the city, I chose a rather nebulous new task involving a rather large grant aimed towards math in Harlem. I'll be working with quite a few schools, going through a lot of new training myself, although I will still maintain my status as just a teacher.
Derrick and I went with our friend David to New Hope. Derrick had one of these:
And I did this:
There are many more photos by clicking here, especially of Bear levitating with laser beams shooting from her eyes.
For the next month, Derrick and I are the same age. Wish him a happy belated, okay?
Posted by G at 07:57 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
August 21, 2007
proporzione divina
Bless Mike of Epenthesis, from whom all naked nerdiness flows. You would think that he would have solved it after a few hours after posting, but no, he had to solve it in MERE SECONDS. Teachers love/hate that kid with their hand already raised as you pose the question.....
Let's call the original unknown side X. Creative, I know. That means the shorter side of the blue rectangle is X-1, while its longest side is 1. If shapes are similar, then the ratios are proportional. Example is short/long on one rectangle = short/long on the other rectangle.
So 1/x=(x-1)/1.
Numerous ways to go forward, but let's multiple everything times X to get rid of the left denominator. We now have 1=x^2-x, and we can subtract one from both sides, showing the equation 0=x^2-x-1. My kids have a Pavlovian response to seeing this, saying "Ooh, Mistah! Factor that quadratic!" This brings tears to my eyes and treats to their brains, of course, as we plug into the Quadratic Formula (x = (-b +/- sq.r.(b^2 - 4ac))/2a) the values a=1, b=-1, c=-1, and yields the answer
What's that, gasping children? Do we recognize that approximation? Remember my example of comparing your smallest two knuckles to the third knuckle (add together, they equal the third), then the 2nd and 3rd knuckles to your palm (add together, they equal the palm). Why is this special? Where else do we see this sequence? No, not golden showers, Johnny, stop thinking dirty all the time. Thank you, the Golden Ratio! I'm so proud of all of you!
Posted by G at 11:25 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 20, 2007
Math Monday
I have an original green rectangle, and the only thing I know is that one side is 1 unit tall. However (and this is a big however), when I break it into a square and a rectangle, the new blue rectangle is SIMILAR to the original rectangle, which means that all sides are proportional. What is the other measurement of the original rectangle?
Bonus for anyone who can tell me why the original rectangle is special. I'll post the solution on Wednesday.
Posted by G at 03:34 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
August 19, 2007
Another famous relative
My aunt made it to the NY Times Style section last Sunday. She's one of my fave human beings.
Photo from NY Times
My aunt has a terrier, and while she lived in NYC, she found a woman who made these clever purses. They are seriously lifelike, and she has even been accused of carrying a real dog as a purse. However, a real dog has intestines, lungs, and such, whereas the purse just has things like lipstick and a wallet.
Posted by G at 03:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 16, 2007
I missed my toothbrush Derrick
All the traveling is great, but my Sonicare toothbrush Derrick doesn't get to go with me. After all this time, I'm just accustomed to my Sonicare's superior brushing sleeping in the same bed with him.
I got in around 1:30 this morning, and the first thing I did was brush my teeth with the Sonicare and it was great to just slip into the bed and cuddle. Nothing beats really clean cavity-free teeth cuddling with your boyfriend.
Posted by G at 11:24 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 13, 2007
The county fair
Back where I grew up, the county fair was an important annual event that signaled the end of your summer. I remember spending ENORMOUS amounts of money on a date with Theresa Hicks when I was a ridiculously young 15 years of age. The county fair in Nevada City was so much more fun because I was with three of the funnest gays ever! All mockery aside (and we were mocking some of the seriously large people, some of the FFA posters, and we definitely mocked the cross-dressing sheep), I thoroughly enjoyed the animal exhibitions, the food, and the environment.
Click here for LOTS of pictures of the county fair.
We went in with the specific focus of doing as much dietary harm to our bodies as possible. We had been warned by many people that the hand-made corn dogs were THE thing to buy, and the line testified to that promise. I ended up with a regular corndog, plus the PegLeg, which was a corn dog swimming in nacho cheese substance and jalepenos. It was delicious, except the cheese substance stained my hand. I also had a chocolate dipped ice cream sandwich, an Orange Juliette, two Rotary Club tacos, and fried funnel cake. I almost ate the Fudge Puppy, but was a bit concerned. To say that my stomach was brimming with a pretty technicolor mix of food product would have been a serious understatement.
We did the model railroad trains, and then the animal barns. Since I was young, they've made some seriously innovative jumps with cross dressing sheep:
Animal barns are seriously funny for gay men, as EVERYTHING has double entendres.
At the end of the night, I had heard from many sources that the CRAZY TRAIN was the ride of the century, so I convinced Matt to join me on it. Even more exciting, Brian took a video of my disastrous ride.
I was so sick and disoriented afterwards, and had to fixate on the road to keep from barfing. Since I didn't barf, the night wasn't complete, but otherwise was pretty good.
Posted by G at 10:31 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack
August 11, 2007
Don't call it Frisco
Getting out to SF proved to be difficult, as tornados and subway shutdowns canceled my Wednesday departure, eventually rescheduling my flight to the next morning. Once I arrived, I again began to see why I really love San Francisco. Except for the ever-present possibility of the ground dissolving underneath it, it is one of the most spectacularly beautiful and temperate places I've ever been.
It also helps that I get to hang out with friends, plus the common occurrence of bumping into people. Of course I went to dinner with the FABULOUS AND WONDERFUL AND SEXY Contrast Jess,, who I first remember from his Abraham Lincoln costume. I was having brunch with my friend David, then I had lunch with the delightful God of Biscuits, and suddenly I bump into Jonno, one of my lapsed blog daddies.
Currently I'm in the mountains near Nevada City with my friends Dana and Matt, and we'll be going to the county fair tonight. I'm seriously excited as there is a sow with 9 baby piglets, plus one of their friends won the cake competition with a carrot cake. That and fried foods will make a night of magic.
Posted by G at 03:10 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
August 08, 2007
Did I mention I am going to San Francisco?
Oh yeah! August 9-14th. Woot!
Posted by G at 07:15 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 07, 2007
BaltiMORE!
Most importantly, I should mention that the VirginFest rawked! Ben Harper, Beastie Boys, Regina Spektor, and Panic! At the disco were my favorite performers, while the Police and Smashing Pumpkins were pretty fun. Sting's neck is looking REALLY ropey. As far as megaconcerts go, I was really impressed with their scheduling (all bands started on time), acoustics, and layout.
There was delicious food, especially the crab stuff on pretzels covered with cheese. Copious amounts of fat, salt, and bottom dwellers blended together on a pretzel are hard to resist.
There were interesting locals. Some seemed to have escaped from a Water's film. Some seemed to have escaped from the Home for Cute Furry Boys.
I even got to witness my first ever Roller Derby, courtesy of Baltimore's Charm City Roller Girls.
Like cricket, the rules were a bit obscure, so I asked some of the charming ladies afterwards how it works. It isn't just girls slamming around, crashing HARD onto the ground and each other. There are two 'jammers' in the back of the group, and they have to pass all the other girls twice AND stay within certain lines to score. I have to say that if I lived in Baltimore, I would go to all their events, as it was seriously fun, and they really enjoy themselves. They also endear themselves to me because of their awesome monikers like Corset Hurts, Slap Tackle Pop, and Iona Handgun.
However, Baltimore itself was serious f'ed up. When we first arrived by my first ever trip on a train in the US, we were put into a cab with the most seriously crazy cab driver I have ever had to deal with. Mr. Petou from Congo desired to share the most intimate details of his love life even as he openly gloated on how much money he was going to get from us. Apparently, if you're his wife or any other woman, you need to just 'find a tree with a vagina and fuck it." Oh yes, he was that fun, even as we listened to christian music and his little memo on how to say Jesus in Japanese fluttered underneath the meter.
The hotel was at the end of their one subway line. However, their subway line is illogically only for people with cars, as there were NO sidewalks or pedestrian crossings to get there. We had to walk about 15-20 minutes along a dirt path. There was a mall close to the station, but it was blocked by a lake and a giant fence from the subway. The only reasoning I can see for the extra mile's distance around the mall is that the mall/neighborhood does not want anyone from the subway to come to their mall. Also, their subway cars are seriously sketchy, with seats that have absorbed a LOT of strange liquids apparent from the stains. The shuttle to Pimlico (where the concert was held) went through some of the most abject poverty I have seen in the US. Junkies passed out everywhere, derelict buildings (Baltimore lost nearly 80,000 people from 1980-2000), and garbage. I thought the HBO show The Wire was dramatizing things, but no. When the average per capita income is only $16000, that's a lot of poverty to deal with.
After the concert, it was even more fun. They didn't anticipate the number of people trying to exit, as there were no lines, gates, anything like that, so thousands of people were trying to get onto a seriously limited number of buses. People kept shoving until the crowds were pushed two lanes into the street. A cop finally appeared, yelled at everyone to back up, but it was impossible. When we finally got back to our subway stop, we saw a road that we hoped might be a shorter path to the hotel. Sadly, it wasn't, unless we hopped a fence, ran across a freeway, and hopped another fence. Going all the way back, we were pretty much the only people in the area, except for a group of teens jumping and whooping on/in an SUV. We only remembered this as we were walking down the dirt path of death when their SUV screeched up to us and something whizzed past us. They then raced off with their lights off. We looked next to us, and they had chucked a TEN INCH SCREWDRIVER at us. Charming. At least it was Craftsman brand, so Dave now has a nice tool/weapon. We continued on our way, stopping at the gas station for some food, as everything else was closed. We finally got to the hotel and fell into our beds.
On Sunday, we had the hotel call us a cab. The concerts again were fantastic, but we left about 20 minutes into the Smashing Pumpkins, as we didn't want to deal with any havoc to get back to the train station. We knew it was only 6 miles to the station, but the cabbie tried to screw us by driving extra distance. When I questioned him about the $28 dollar fare, he said that his meter was 'screwy' and that it was actually only $18. Bastard! Once we were ensconced in the waiting area of the station, I thanked Dave and joked that it was good that all the bad luck was behind us. That jinxed us, as then the train was over an hour late. Stupid, stupid me. We were both filthy and tired, and we were still in Baltimore.
**update** Dave just sent me his favorite musings on Baltimore:
1. Misogyny is ever so marginally less offensive when it is wrapped in a French Congan (Congoan?) accent.
2. Quote of the weekend: "Trees should have vaginas." - J Patou, taxi driver/philosopher.
3. Dialogue of the weekend:
Glenn- "Can we walk from the hotel to Pimlico?"
Cabbie Petou.- "HA HA HA HA! - ah you crazy - you end up on channel 13 news - "two crazy new yorkers try to walk to pimlico! HA HA HA!"
4. "Balto" is a stupid fuckin' nickname for a town.
5. I was psyched to pay ONLY 8 bucks for a 24 oz beer at the concert, because I thought it was a good deal compared to home.
6. Query: Are Baltimore hooligans less evolved than elsewhere because they do drivebys with simple hand tools instead of advanced projectile shooting tools?
7. Souvenirs from trip: concert tshirt, $30; 10" Craftsman screwdriver, free.
8. Cab fare from Pimlico to Penn Station: $28 on the meter, unless you call the cabbie out like the crook that he is, in which case it's only $18.
9. Stupid underage drunk chicks are even more annoying in your 30s, especially when their stupid underage drunk chick friends tell you she's about to puke on your shoes.
10. Tens of thousands of at least quasi-affluent white kids going apeshit for Wu Tang Clan at a venue situated in a poor, predominantly black neighborhood.
11. Realization that I'm getting old: Beastie Boys played songs I grew up loving that were older than many of the kids jumping around.
12. The "subway" terminates at Owings Mills, adjacent to a big mall and cinema multiplex, and large apartment complex. Is there a direct path to walk the 100 meters from subway exit to these places? No. You have to walk along a busy, poorly lit 4 lane road with no sidewalks for approximately 1 mile to get there. Whether this is due to racism or stupidity, it's another example of why "Balto" fails as a city and NYC works.
Click here for extra photos from Baltimore
Posted by G at 08:51 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 02, 2007
We will, we will ROCK YOU
Would you feel safe going with this man to Baltimore to listen to the Police live in concert?
I guess I'm going to have to trust him, as we're going to the Virgin Fest on Saturday AND Sunday.
I am wearing spitblock earplugs.
Posted by G at 08:48 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack