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February 11, 2008
Becoming Howard Hughes
I apologize to everyone. It's not that I don't like you, or that I don't like talking to you. I know that I am really terse on the phone, or that it seems that I'm avoiding talking to you. It's not you, it's me. I'm just becoming a crazy recluse with long nails, building 3D models of Spreece Geese.
My home phone is a VOIP phone. Apparently everyone has a hard time hearing me on that phone, so I basically have to yell. It also gets really hot on my ear, and even though I don't think there is such a thing as ear sweat, I can still feel my ear radiating heat. I'll be talking to someone on the phone, and the whole time a voice in my head is shrieking to hang up.
My cell phone is even worse. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and I can't get decent cell reception in my house on the 5th floor. I get 1 bar in the living room, 2 bars in the kitchen. The heat from the smartphone quickly becomes insanely hot. The Treo has some kind of safety feature that prevents the volume from going beyond the normal level, so every time I answer a call, I have to use this software patch override. Broil my ear, irradiate my skull, then lose signal. Who doesn't love that?
So now I'm becoming that person who texts. Not just "I'm at 59th and 8th." No, I'm that bastard who texts "Hey, how are you doing? I was wondering if you wanted to go over to the Bronx Zoo on Sunday, because my friend Athena from Peace Corps is in town and I think you should meet her. She's fabulous, she drives a hybrid, and we want to see monkeys fling poo."
We did see monkeys who flung poo, by the way.
So I'm sorry that I'm that person, not for flinging poo, but for texting. It's how I cope.
Posted by G at February 11, 2008 06:33 PM
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Comments
If I were to punch in the same exact message on my cell, I'd get cut off at, "go ove-"
Posted by: Doug at February 12, 2008 02:00 AM
did you know allen has a cell phone finally? i'll text you his # when it isn't 1am ny time. maybe you'll get a better signal on the west coast...your friends can finally talk to you but it'll be four hrs after they go to bed.
Posted by: kel at February 13, 2008 12:58 AM
It could be worse. A friend once sent me a postcard from the San Diego Zoo. It said in part, "The monkeys can masturbate with their feet! How cool is that?"
Posted by: Tony at February 14, 2008 10:34 AM
You forgot to mention a text like this: Wanna go to the Spice Girls concert? Tonight? In 30 minutes? Oh, by the way, it's in Newark. Yes, you'll go? Ok, Athena will be there in 20 minutes to pick you up. Have fun!
Texts like that ROCK!
Posted by: Erin at February 14, 2008 08:52 PM
this is a fantastic post. ironic, funny, stimulating. i can't wait to come see u in nyc!
Posted by: spencer at February 21, 2008 05:09 AM