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April 28, 2008
Land of the Magical Underpants
I couldn't put my name on it, but I was just creeped out. As I was walking down the street in Salt Lake City, it wasn't the eerily-friendly all-white people, the bumper crops of SUV's, or even the numbering system with the origin of (0,0) at the Temple. It was the total absence of those disgusting little black blobs of chewing gum. They have pedestrians, but they just don't have pedestrians that spit out gum.
I'll admit something now. I really, really admire the Mormons. I grew up in a lot of different types of churches, and none of them compare to the church based in Salt Lake City for the true definition of religious donations. When Katrina struck, the LDS church was there first. When the tsunami crashed a few years ago, the LDS church was there. We took a tour of their charity HQ, and I really wish that my time in the Peace Corps would have been organized by them. They have a whole 'hive' theme, and it is part of their whole creepy goodness. Everything is focused on their family, their church, and planning for disasters. They invest so much time into not just doing good works, but doing them well.
They also have good beer. I really liked their Porter, as it wasn't too malty.
Now that I've praised them for what I think they should be praised for, I'm going to point out that they are also deeply opposed to my basic existence as a gay man, they believe that an entire extra white people tribe lived in America thousands of years ago, and like any religion in the US, they have an entire scary right wing that they pretend they can't see, which also tends to find sanctuary in Texas.
SLC is actually this little liberal blue gem in a sea of red, beautiful mountains surrounding the city, good beer, and affordable housing. By the final day, I was desperate to get out of there, wearing my extremely non-magical underpants. I guess I just would rather have my boxer briefs.
Posted by G at April 28, 2008 07:40 PM
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Comments
Hey G.
Glad you found at least a couple things to like while you were in town.
But as a card-carrying member of that scary church, I'm just a little sad that you insist on dredging up old canards (and not even the really juicy ones).
First, Salt Lake City is considered by many to be one of the most gay-friendly places in the US.
Second, those folks in Texas are no more Mormon than Lutherans are Catholic.
Third, the "magical underpants" are no more magical or weird than the vestments Catholic priests wear, the turbans Sikhs wear, or the yamulkah worn by Jews (and making fun of them no less offensive than making light of these other religious garments).
Fourth, glad you liked the beer... I don't drink, myself, but I understand that beers from the half-dozen-plus brew pubs in the greater Salt Lake City area have one numerous awards.
- Well-adjusted gay Mormon dude... and long-time reader.
Posted by: Silus Grok at April 28, 2008 09:48 PM
I did that same google search before I left, and like I mentioned in the blog, SLC is basically the only liberal city in the entire state. I did talk about the good beer, the church's astounding dedication to helping others, and how clean and beautiful the city is. Although again, it was rather freaky, especially if you have ever seen NYC streets.
I do disagree about the magical underpants, which after searching around, are supposedly imbued with the power to protect believers. The other vestments you describe are not magical at all, but just simply required clothing. I'll check with my Jewish friends, but I'm pretty sure that they only thing their yarmulkes protect them from is sunburns.
Lutherans and Catholics are lumped together, at least as Christians. They will argue with each other, even go to war with each other, but they are both reading from the same sets of books, choosing to focus on one set of chapters, ignoring others. The LDS in SLC and the Mormons on the fringe are both reading from the same set of books, just choosing to focus on one set of chapters, ignoring others. Also, the news of the compound in Texas broke as I was in SLC, and their rules and lifestyle are all justified by the Book of Mormon.
Glad you commented, but almost all religion creeps me out, especially one that spends millions making sure that I can't marry, funds legislation to allow job discrimination, and keeps me from enjoying delicious beer.
Posted by: Glenn at April 29, 2008 07:49 AM
Wth is up w/ "magical underpants"? I kept hearing Bill Maher bring it up millions of times.
Posted by: Doug at April 30, 2008 01:43 AM
You go Glenn!
As a former Mormon (returned missionary to boot!) and gay man, I can tell you that "well-adjusted gay Mormon dude" is carrying on the long Mormon tradition of being extremely friendly to others (teaching opp!) while also remaining in denial about his own teachings/beliefs.
1) SLC may be "gay friendly" but it's a terrible place to actually live as a gay man.
2) The fundies in Texas may not be actual members of the LDS church but they believe the same things. (i.e. polygamy.) Mormons love to say, "We don't do that anymore." But ask them if they believe in the eternal principle of polygamy. (Hint: They do.)
3) As for magic underwear it depends who you're talking to. I always understood the garment to be symbolic--nothing more. But I met plenty of Mormons who told me otherwise and added that I was a bad person for thinking the way I did. Which leads me to my final point:
"Well-adjusted gay Mormon dude" is not as "well-adjusted" as he believes. Have a beer and lighten up.
matt
Posted by: Matt at April 30, 2008 05:40 PM
Interesting post. I think I will avoid wading into the Mormon-related debate just now, but I found the post and the comments interesting.
With that said, we're happy to have your gay self here in New York!
Posted by: Jess at April 30, 2008 10:23 PM
Do they have magical cockrings too?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Posted by: Stash at May 1, 2008 02:15 PM
Gee, Matt... how kind of you to psycho-analyze me from the comfort of your armchair.
* shrugs *
Glenn... I'd love to respond further, but I doubt that you intended to turn a light-hearted travelogue into so religious battleground. So I'll just let it go.
Glad you enjoyed yourself... next time you're in town, ping me. I'll be happy to show you around.
Posted by: Silus Grok at May 2, 2008 01:35 AM
My favorite part of visiting Salt Lake City was the amount of hot cruising going on along one side of the wall surrounding the Temple complex.
Posted by: Mike at May 2, 2008 11:43 PM
Fifth generation LDS here....family came across the plains with good old Brigham. Most of my siblings had the good sense to flee Zion when they first got wheels under them. Still, my mother and one brother still live in happy valley so I have the odd occaission to visit. SLC is very gay friendly with great bars, etc....Beautiful place....nice to visit, but like you, after a few days I can't wait to get out of Stepford.
Posted by: Tex at May 10, 2008 06:26 AM